"It's been hurtful," the Beverly Hills star says of taking the heat for her actions on the show

By Alla Byrne Ulrica Wihlborg
January 06, 2011 03:40 PM

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has caused quite a stir – and Camille Grammer seems to be at the center of it.

The estranged wife of actor Kelsey Grammer says she’s taking the blame for decisions she made with her soon-to-be ex-husband when they were a couple.

“It’s like a runaway train that’s out of control,” Grammer, who is now considering leaving Real Housewives, says of the backlash she’s experienced since appearing on the show. “I’m going through this divorce in my private life, and this on top of everything else has been really hurtful. I don’t know where it’s coming from.”

Aspects of Grammer’s life – including hiring four nannies for her two kids – have raised eyebrows, and Grammer says she’s carrying the burden alone.

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“Even the nanny controversy, I have to laugh about it, because that was Kelsey’s decision to hire the four nannies. And I’m taking all this heat for it,” Grammer tells PEOPLE. “It’s almost as if, on the show, he had nothing to do with our life together. We were married! We made these decisions together.”

Although Grammer says she’s “not upset or sad anymore” about the end of her marriage but feels her ex, who is now engaged, in love and very vocal about it, has been disrespectful.

“I’m not in love with him anymore,” she says. “There’s been too much pain. I’m moving forward. I’m starting new traditions with our children and I look forward to my future.”