The reality star spoke about his transition for the first time in a 20/20 interview that aired Friday

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Bruce Jenner has officially told the world he has the soul of a woman – but when his secret first threatened to come out, he considered killing himself.

In Friday’s 20/20 special with Diane Sawyer, Jenner, 65, said he was in a dark place after paparazzi caught him going to a plastic surgeon for a tracheal shave last year.

“That night, I thought, ‘It’s over.’ I was in this walking up and down this hall back and forth all night long. Heart pounding,” he told Sawyer. “I thought, ‘Wouldn’t the easiest thing to do right now is go in the other room, get a gun. Pain is over. Done. Go to a better place.’

“I thought, ‘I can’t do something like that. I want to know how this story ends.’ ”

Earlier in the interview, Jenner revealed he started cross-dressing as a child.

“Bruce lives a lie. She is not a lie,” Jenner said. “I can’t do it anymore.”