May 20, 2015 11:35 AM

Kris Jenner describes her more than 20-year marriage to Bruce as "kind of a match made in heaven." Subscribe now for instant access to new details on how she feels about his transition journey, only in PEOPLE.

It’s been a difficult month for Kris Jenner as she adjusts to a new reality after her ex-husband Bruce publicly announced that he is transitioning from male to female.

“It’s hard for me to really believe it’s happening,” admitted Kris, 59, on the "raw" E! special Keeping Up with the Kardashians: About Bruce. “I’m trying so hard to process my pain. It’s a struggle.”

Complicating matters further is the fact that Kris is Bruce’s ex-wife. “There was a certain sense of, ‘What right does she have to be upset [about Bruce’s transition]?’ ” says a Kris source. “It was awkward for her.”

And then there is the lingering question of just how much she knew about Bruce’s desire to become a woman.

While she admitted in the E! special that she knew Bruce, 65, had an interest in cross-dressing, she said she “never saw this coming,” adding that her husband downplayed hormone treatments during their marriage: “Part of the problem is [he] never explained!”

Behind the cameras, Kris “always dismissed and laughed off questions about Bruce’s more feminine appearance,” a KUWTK production source tells PEOPLE. “Kris was always the one to talk about how manly Bruce is. Even after Bruce was spotted with pink nail polish, Kris laughed it off.”

But in recent weeks, sources say Kris has become “more accepting” of the situation. She’s turned to her daughters for support and has been relying on Corey Gamble, her boyfriend of seven months.

“He makes her feel good about herself and her life,” says the source about Gamble, 34.

Her relationship with Bruce, which was on the rocks following their separation, is also on the mend. He’s been spotted several times at her house, and during the E! special she told him, “You were a great dad, a great friend and great partner. I just want you to be happy.”

Reporting by JENNIFER GARCIA and PERNILLA CEDENHEIM

For more details on how Kris is coping pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday

RELATED VIDEO: How Kris Jenner Is Coping with Bruce’s Decision

Editor’s note: Per Bruce Jenner’s request, PEOPLE will continue to use male pronouns until otherwise instructed.

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