"There are many things that I wish I could have done differently," said Blake Jenner

By Natalie Stone
October 08, 2020 11:19 PM
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Credit: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

Blake Jenner is opening up about his past relationship with ex-wife Melissa Benoist — a marriage that he claims was "toxic" and riddled with abuse by both spouses.

In a lengthy Instagram post on Thursday, the Glee actor apologized to Benoist for the "hurt" that he "inflicted" — including emotional, mental and physical pain — during the time that they were together while also making allegations of his own about the Supergirl actress.

A rep for Benoist did not immediately respond to PEOPLE's request for comment.

"Over the past eleven months, I have been thinking about how to address a personal situation made public in late-2019. Throughout that time, I reflected on a period in my life that I had previously kept in the darkness out of shame and fear, but I know this is something that needs to be addressed, not just publicly, but also privately with the individual directly affected and with myself," Jenner began the post.

He said as a 20-year-old he did not realize that "as great as the love that was shared between us, the shared brokenness that stemmed from our childhoods proved to be greater."

"In a way, I think for the both of us, our marriage was a potential for redemption of sorts," he continued. "It was a relationship with a foundation rooted in co-dependency, which had dire consequences."

Slide one of Blake Jenner's Instagram post
| Credit: Blake Jenner/INSTAGRAM

The former couple met while playing love interests on Ryan Murphy's musical TV series Glee in 2012. (Jenner later guest-starred on two episodes of CW’s Supergirl in 2016.) They wed in spring 2015 after getting engaged in July 2013.

After less than two years of marriage, Benoist filed for divorce at the end of 2016 citing irreconcilable differences. It was finalized in December 2017.

Though he didn't mention Benoist, 32, by name in his Instagram post, Jenner, 28, did confirm a similar physical abuse allegation made by his ex-wife in November 2019.

Last fall, the actress revealed in a lengthy, emotional video on Instagram that she was a survivor of domestic violence after enduring months of abuse from a younger romantic partner.

The individual, whom she did not identify by name, allegedly threw an iPhone at her face, causing her to suffer major injuries. "The impact tore my iris, nearly ruptured my eyeball, lacerated my skin and broke my nose," Benoist recalled. "My left eye swelled shut. I had a fat lip … Something inside of me broke, this was too far."

After lying to the nurses about her injuries at the hospital, Benoist said she confided in a friend who asked about her partner’s aggressive behaviors — and finally made the difficult decision to leave him.

In his statement, Jenner said he takes "full responsibility and accountability for the hurt that I inflicted during my relationship with my past partner — emotionally, mentally and yes, physically" before detailing the moment he threw a phone.

"Two years prior to the end of our relationship, there was a time where my past partner and I were in an argument that escalated, and in a moment of frustration, while I was standing in the hallway and she was in our bedroom, I threw my phone aimlessly and it hit my former partner in her face. I froze in a state of shock and horror as my then-partner screamed in anguish, her eye immediately swollen shut from the impact of the phone," Jenner admitted.

Reflecting on the incident, Jenner said "it's a moment that I will regret for the rest of my life. She sat there crying and I can only imagine the pain, fear, and shame she must have felt in that moment."

"If I could do anything to take it back, I would. However, as hard as it has been to come to terms with it and as hard as it is for me to even describe that moment in detail now, whatever the intention may have been, I am responsible for the pain that I caused her in that moment and beyond. And it is something I am still working on forgiving myself for," wrote the actor.

Jenner continued by alleging that "there was mental, emotional and physical abuse inflicted from both ends" and that he and Benoist sought out therapy together to help work out their issues.

Slide two of Blake Jenner's Instagram post
| Credit: Blake Jenner/INSTAGRAM

As to why he decided to speak out about their fractured relationship, Jenner said that it was "important" for him to disclose it.

"I have thought long and hard about whether or not to speak out about the pain that was inflicted onto me throughout the course of this relationship by my former partner; and I have come to the conclusion that yes, it is important for me to do so," he said.

He admitted that through going to individual therapy, he learned about "the false ideas of manhood that were instilled in" him since birth.

Still, "I want to make something very clear: none of this is meant to serve as an excuse, but rather, are realizations that I had throughout my process of healing and reckoning with all that transpired both throughout this relationship and my life," he said. "I also do believe that when allegations and information are brought forth about someone, that accountability goes both ways and one has a right to defend oneself when deemed necessary."

Blake Jenner
| Credit: Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images

Jenner then went on to make multiple allegations about Benoist, including him being "scratched," "slapped," being "punched in the face" and being "physically assaulted" while in the shower, which left him "with a traumatic injury."

"I, too, have had to conceal and make up lies about many visible injuries I had incurred throughout the relationship. I was physically assaulted in the shower, leaving me with a traumatic injury that I do not want to delve into at this time," Jenner alleged.

"The mental and emotional abuse began at the start of our relationship. I was made to pass on numerous jobs and opportunities because of jealousy of prospective female costars. I was discouraged from and threatened to not develop relationships with and take photos with female costars at professional events. Threats and derogatory comments were made regarding female colleagues I had worked or was working with. I was made to feel guilty for working as I received calls from my former partner while I was away, threatening self-harm out of depression and a deep-seated fear of abandonment," he claimed.

Slide three of Blake Jenner's Instagram post
| Credit: Blake Jenner/INSTAGRAM

In her own set of claims about her alleged abuser, Benoist claimed "he didn’t want me ever kissing or even having flirtatious scenes with men, which was very hard for me to avoid, so I began turning down auditions, job offers, test deals, and friendships because I didn’t want to hurt him."

Around five months into their relationship, Benoist said her partner’s actions started to become more violent and physical, with the first occurrence being a smoothie thrown at her face.

The actress admitted she never said anything about the violent encounter out of fear and shame and revealed that her partner continued to abuse her. "The stark truth is I learned what it felt like to be pinned down and slapped repeatedly, punched so hard the wind was knocked out of me, dragged by my hair across pavement, head-butted, pinched until my skin broke, shoved into a wall so hard the drywall broke, choked," she revealed. "I learned to lock myself in rooms but quickly stopped because the door was inevitably broken down. I learned to not value any of my property — replaceable and irreplaceable. I learned not to value myself."

While Jenner claimed that "there are also discrepancies between the recollections of our relationship, its timelines and the things that took place over the years," he said their relationship "was the product of two broken people."

"To get into the specifics would not only be revealing things that I believe my former partner would want respected as they pertain to her personal life, but would inevitably turn this into a she-said-he-said mudslinging match of sorts — and that is the last thing I believe anyone wants. I think what I'm trying to get at is that this relationship — in all of its toxicity and turbulence — was the product of two broken people over the span of years," Jenner wrote.

Slide four of Blake Jenner's Instagram post
| Credit: Blake Jenner/INSTAGRAM

He proceeded by apologizing "for injecting any ounce of negativity or sorrow into" the world.

"To every victim of situational couple violence and any victim of any form of abuse that may have been triggered by our story, I am truly sorry. I know that no statement or letter can convey this, so I will make every attempt to lead with action — I stand with you as a victim myself, I repent for the abuse I inflicted as an aggressor myself, and vow to never retreat to losing who I am ever again."

Melissa Benoist
| Credit: Michael Loccisano/Getty

In the penultimate slide, Jenner made his "most important apology" to Benoist.

"However, the most important apology extends — then and now — to my former partner. I am sorry. There are many things that I wish I could have done differently; and while I wish it did not take the pain that was suffered throughout the course of our relationship, I will never regress to making the same mistakes ever again," he vowed. "I will never stop doing the work necessary to better myself in all areas of my life. I wish you and your family nothing but good health, joy and love."

Slide five of Blake Jenner's Instagram post
| Credit: Blake Jenner/INSTAGRAM

Reflecting on the four years since they split, Jenner said that he has "grown and learned from the mistakes" that he made.

"After nearly four years since we parted ways, I can unequivocally say that I know who I am and know that I have grown and learned from the mistakes I have made throughout a long period of self-examination and work, but very much understand that I can always learn and continually grow; and I know that is not a lone journey," he said.

Slide six of Blake Jenner's Instagram post
| Credit: Blake Jenner/INSTAGRAM

Benoist is now married to her Supergirl costar Chris Wood. They tied the knot on Sept. 1, 2019, exchanging vows during an intimate wedding ceremony in Ojai, California, according to multiple reports.

Last month, Benoist and Wood welcomed their first child together, son Huxley Robert Wood.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to thehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.