Bachelorette Michelle Young Feels Ignored on Group Date: 'I Pretty Much Had to Call the Guys Over'

"I feel like I'm putting in so much effort to make small moments with you guys, but I don't necessarily feel like that's being reciprocated," she told her suitors on Tuesday's episode

This post contains spoilers from Tuesday's episode of The Bachelorette.

Coming off of last week's situation with Jamie — which ended in him being sent home before the rose ceremony — Michelle Young felt empowered to trust her gut.

"Moving forward, I am going to push myself to be vulnerable with these guys," she told co-host Kaitlyn Bristowe on Tuesday's episode. "And if there's another situation where I feel like my intuition is giving me red flags, I'm going to have to address that at the time."

Going into a fresh week, Michelle, 28, said she wanted the guys "to continue to be all in."


Michelle asked Martin on the first of two one-on-one dates and they pushed the limits on the racetrack while driving BMW M3s. Michelle worried that because of Martin's close friendship with Jamie, she might not be able to fully trust him. "I want to see if I can give him all of my trust," she said in an on-camera interview.

As the date progressed and she and Martin, 29, reached new speeds together, Michelle began to enjoy herself. "I think this might be one of my favorite dates I've ever been on," the elementary school teacher told the cameras. "I do see potential in Martin."

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But things took a wrong turn once they settled into the hot tub and Martin shared his unpopular opinion of Jamie. "I still think he's a hell of a man," Martin said to Michelle.

Michelle asked Martin if he thought she made the wrong decision in eliminating Jamie after he falsely stated that the entire house suspected she met Joe before coming on the show. "I can't get mad at you [for] getting rid of somebody when I'm here to build my relationship with you," Martin said.

That response didn't comfort Michelle. "I felt that my decision was potentially being questioned, and that's not a good feeling," she told the cameras.

Heading into the evening portion of the date, Michelle wanted clarity from Martin. "I felt like when I did speak my opinion, I felt, like, shut down," she told him.

Martin insisted he didn't mean to be dismissive of her feelings. "I haven't always been good at communicating, so [I'm] working at it, working at it," he said. "And sometimes it doesn't come off perfect."

Martin blamed his upbringing for his inability to communicate his emotions. "Growing up, I never had somebody in my family that I could just turn to and talk about my emotions," the personal trainer said.

Michelle questioned how he'd want to do things differently with a family of his own in the future, and Martin said he hoped to lead by example. "If they see parents that are very open and communicative, if you start from a young age, it's something that they get used to," he said.

RELATED: Michelle Young Says She 'Stayed True' to Herself on The Bachelorette Ahead of Season Premiere

Michelle appreciated their conversation and extended him a rose towards the end of their date. "I think one of the biggest things I admire about you is that in our conversations, you do open up, but you also listen," the Minnesota native said. "And not only do you listen, but when I speak to you about everything, there's a change that's applied so quickly, and I think that's not very common."

The pair ended the night stargazing in a planetarium.

"I'm literally at a loss for words," Martin told the cameras. "I never thought that I could feel like this as fast as I have in this very moment with Michelle."


Will, Chris S., Casey, Chris G., Leroy, Rodney, Olumide, Brandon, Clayton, Joe, Romeo and Nayte joined Michelle for this week's only group date — a pajama party! The sleepover boasted an ice cream sundae bar, a cotton candy machine, giant stuffed animals and party games like Twister.

The guys enjoyed the offerings so much that they didn't even try to snag time with Michelle. "I was caught off-guard a little bit by the fact that I pretty much had to call the guys over," she said in an on-camera interview.

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Then Kaitlyn and co-host Tayshia Adams informed the men that the sleepover would be taken "to the next level" with a teddy bear fight. The Bella Twins, Nikki and Brie, hosted The Ultimate Teddy Bear Takedown and the winning team would spend extra time with Michelle at an afterparty, while the losing team would head home.

"I'm upset," Michelle told the cameras. "Now that the boys are going to be competing against each other instead of making small moments with me during the group date."

Olu (known among the guys as Swolu) brought home the win for his team when he beat out Brandon in the final match. "It was like the Black Panther versus a mouse," Olu, 27, said of the matchup.

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At the afterparty, Michelle confessed to her suitors that she felt ignored earlier in the day.

"I always said I'm going to be 100 percent transparent with you, and as much as I wish I would've left today's group date feeling excited and great, that honestly wasn't the case," she began. "Last week during the poetry date, you heard me read a poem about not being seen. I was oftentimes the only person of color in my classroom. I wasn't asked on dates. And if I'm being completely honest with you, I feel like I'm putting in so much effort to make small moments with you guys, but I don't necessarily feel like that's being reciprocated. And that doesn't mean that I need these massive romantic gifts or gestures, I honestly just want like, a 'hello' during the date."

Michelle pulled Nayte to talk first; she felt especially frustrated with him because she thought they had a deep connection.

"You don't pull me aside to talk with me or to try to connect with me," she told him. "It's not about the teddy bear fights or the sleepover. Yes, those are the activities, but that's not why we're doing the activities. And so I was really hurt today."

Natye apologized for making her feel that way. "You're definitely seen," he said. "My actions aren't showing it, but you're definitely seen and I'm 100 percent willing to make that more known and more obvious."

Clayton and Romeo offered similar apologies, and Olu even teared up thinking about his sisters feeling the way Michelle did. "I don't want to cry but I feel you. I hear you," he told Michelle. "Everything you're doing now shows that you're a strong woman. I appreciate you."

Hearing what Olu said meant a lot to Michelle. "That's what makes me feel seen," she said to the IT analyst.

At the end of the night, Michelle gave Olu the group date rose. "Olu, I commend you on exuding so much strength and showing your vulnerability, because that allowed me to do that as well," she said.

RELATED: New Bachelorette Michelle Young on Her 'Bizarre' TV Love Journey That She 'Would Not Change'


Michelle took Rick up on a tramway through the mountains for her final date of the week. "Everything about today has been so peaceful," Michelle told the cameras of the experience.

The duo came across a wish box where they had to read the preexisting wishes before submitting their own. Many of the desires centered around finding love, while one stated: "I wish my dad could see the man I became." That prompted Rick, 32, to open up about his dad's passing three years ago.

ABC/Craig Sjodin

Rick told Michelle that his father "was pretty depressed and not happy," and that the medical sales rep struggled with not being able to help him. "That was like, probably one of my toughest challenges in life, accepting that," Rick said.

Later over dinner, Rick went into more detail about his parents and their breakup.

"Two weeks before Christmas, my parents went out shopping," Rick said. "My dad left his phone on the desk and he got a text message, and I think me just being 17 and curious, [I] opened up his phone and I saw texts that [were] basically from a woman and made me think. And so after about a day, I decided to tell my mom about it. Three days after Christmas, my mom wakes me up at like 6 a.m. and tells me that my brother's at my grandparents and that we have to move out."

Years later, Rick's dad called him up at work, but Rick missed the call. "I called him when I got off of work. He didn't answer, but he texted me right back saying, 'Hey, you know, I'm just trying to catch my breath,'" he recalled. "A friend checked in on him and found him just on the ground. He was gone. And I know deep down my dad, to the day he died, still blamed me because I blew the whistle, unfortunately. It hurts."

Michelle said she couldn't imagine what Rick went through, but added that him opening up had brought them closer together.

"Michelle has changed me in many ways. My feelings have changed dramatically, and it's only been a few weeks," Rick told the cameras. "I think we have a strong bond and the thought that I could be in love at the end of this, I mean, that's priceless."

Rick accepted a rose from Michelle and they concluded the date with a private Andy Grammer concert. "This is a guy who is here for the right reasons," Michelle said in an on-camera interview. "He's proof this process is working."


At the cocktail party, Chris S., 28, took it upon himself to address the problem of Michelle not feeling seen on the group date.

"I wasn't at the cocktail party the other night but I know that she addressed that she felt like she wasn't being seen," he began to the other men and Michelle. "I think that there are guys here that think that they have it in the bag. I think that's bulls---, and I think that they're not showing you, you know, the effort that you deserve. And I think that you should give time to other people who are here for you, who are showing you the effort that you deserve. And I feel like the guys who think that they have it in the bag, they should either speak up or they should go home."

Michelle thanked Chris S. for speaking up and assured everyone that "nobody has it in the bag, not even close."

When Chris S. pulled Michelle to talk, he dropped Nayte's name as someone who thought they had "it in the bag."

"When the one-on-one card didn't have his name on it, he would say, 'I already know I'm going to get one, it's just a matter of when, so this doesn't really matter,'" Chris S. told Michelle of Nayte.

Michelle said she was "disappointed" to learn that. Later, she asked Nayte about what Chris S. told her. Nayte said he wasn't "really sure" why Chris S. had singled him out, but that "it is what it is."

Nayte; Chris S
Craig Sjodin/ABC via Getty Images (2)

"It's not like winning something, because once you get to that point, even if you get to the engagement or you get to the relationship or whatever it is, when you step out of here, you don't have anything in the bag," Michelle said to Nayte. "Essentially, you should never feel like you have anything in the bag. One: I'm not this massive prize at the end of this, and two, I shouldn't have to light a fire under someone's a-- to like, want to be with me."

Nayte left the conversation feeling "really pissed off" and confronted Chris S. Chris S. said he "didn't mean" to single Nayte out and claimed Michelle "probed" him to drop names.

"She probed me and asked me and I told her the facts," Chris S. said to Nayte.

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In an on-camera interview, Chris S. told a slightly different story. "I came in on my white horse and I saved her from the castle she's been stuck in," he said.

At the rose ceremony, Michelle handed out roses to both Nayte and Chris S., as well as Brandon, Leroy, Joe, Rodney, Clayton and Casey. That meant Romeo, Chris G. and Will went home.

Once the ceremony wrapped, Michelle broke some big news. "There's going to be a lot that's changing," she told her remaining men. "Starting tomorrow, I'm no longer going to be in Indian Wells. I'm going to head back to Minneapolis, Minnesota, and y'all are coming with me!"

The Bachelorette airs Tuesdays (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.

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