"I just wish Clint could have treated me like he treated JJ," she says of the suitor who lost a lot of ground this week

By Kaitlyn Bristowe
Updated June 02, 2015 07:35 AM
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Kaitlyn Bristowe is the Bachelorette! She charmed her way into the hearts of the Bachelor Nation – and nearly the Bachelor himself, Chris Soules, on season 19 of The Bachelor. Now Kaitlyn has begun her own journey to love.

Kupah … ohhhhh, Kupah. Well that escalated quickly!

Before we dive in, let me start off with a tip, if I may, for any guys out there reading my blog: When a woman says the connection is gone, don’t tell her how hot she is. A connection is more than someone’s appearance. Kupah was going down fast, and I think he knew it. I’m not entirely sure what Kupah was getting at (you’ll have to ask him for clarity), but I hadn’t been the one ignoring him; he’d been the one ignoring me! If you recall, he’d spent our entire date ignoring me! And let’s not forget that it was only the second week, and I was struggling to juggle 19 relationships. Oh, and he was clearly more interested in Britt. (There’s that.) That, Kupah, is really why you probably didn’t feel a connection.

After the altercation with him in front of the house, I didn’t feel the need to continue the cocktail party. Kupah had ruined not only my mood but also the mood of the entire party. Altogether it was an emotional night, and I just wanted it to be over. The rose ceremony was difficult to get through and deciding to send home Cory was not an easy choice. I actually had a really tough time with that decision because I felt all the things I wanted to feel with Cory, but something in my gut was telling me he wasn’t my husband, and I didn’t want to keep him from his daughter if I had any doubt. He is such a sweetheart, and I really thought in that moment, “How the hell am I going to do this every week? It’s only the second week, and I am already so sad to say goodbye. Uh-oh.”

I really wish I could have joined Yama and Byamba to wake up the guys, haha. What you don’t know is, that rose ceremony went until about 4:30 a.m. So the poor guys had just gotten to sleep around 5 a.m. Imagine being woken up by two 600-lb. Japanese men at 7 a.m. after such little sleep. Wakey wakey! Rise and s— your pants!

When the guys came out and took off their robes, I died. I did NOT know they were going to be in man-thong diapers!! It was hilarious. And let me tell you, those Mawashis didn’t leave much to the imagination. Well done, Kaitlyn! As for the date itself, my intention was to just have some fun. At no time did I think things would ever get violent. It was supposed to be about laughing at yourself in a man diaper, having a blast and practicing the art of sumo. I understood Tony’s point about violence – and, sure, a nice nature walk is a lovely way to fall in love – but love is also about having fun and trying new things. Loosen up, Tony! Even I got out there and went up against Yama. Piece of cake. Don’t underestimate my size. I kick crazy sumo butt. And JJ, for the record, you stole my joke about Tony partying his ass off. Don’t think I didn’t see that!

RELATED VIDEO: The Bachelor Dudes Reenact ‘The Sumo Incident’

Seeing Tony standing there that night didn’t surprise me. I think it was best he left because I wanted to focus on the guys that wanted to be there, and I was just excited to spend more time with the awesome group of guys I had left. I was surprised Clint held back throughout the date. He didn’t talk to me once the entire date. It was really unfortunate, especially after having such a great date with him. I’m attracted to men who know what they want and go after it. We aren’t kids anymore. I don’t need to play games. I honestly expected more from Clint. Shawn and Chris, on the other hand, had a blast, never complained and pulled me aside to let me know how they were feeling. That’s what I’m looking for in a man. At the end of the night, I didn’t have much hesitation about giving Shawn that rose. The connection we had that first night was still there, and it was undeniable.

Moving on to my second one-on-one date of my journey, I was excited to spend more time with Ben Z. Our connection at the boxing date was so great, and I was looking forward to spending more time with him. Little did I know that he – and everyone else – would be learning my secret that I have tried to keep from all of America

Yes, it’s true. I am TERRIFIED of birds. Go ahead, laugh at me. Enjoy it. And yes, I do realize I have two birds tattooed on me. Truth is, I have been scared of birds since I was a little girl. I think it’s genetic because my mom shares this fear with me. And it’s not just the birds it’s the flapping! Doesn’t anyone else out there feel the same way? Help me out here! I will repel down a building any day rather than go into a room with a bird in it. I should have known Chris Harrison would play like that!! I can’t wait to find out what his biggest fear is and put him through it!! Pay back hurts, buddy.

I have to admit, that escape room was creepy. I was lucky to be there with big man Ben Zed (see how I snuck that in there like a good Canadian?). A big guy with a big heart, he was so comforting, and I just hid behind him the whole time. I felt protected, and I thought we worked well together as a team! That’s such an important thing to have in a relationship.

Once we did manage to escape, it was so nice to just hang out with him back at my place. One of the qualities I love most about Ben is he is such an easy person to talk to. He’s also not afraid to open up. Ben shared stories with me about his mom, which I truly appreciated. I had no idea he had been through so much. He’s a sincere and genuine guy who is truly looking for someone to share his life with. It was a no-brainer giving him a rose, and it left me excited about the connection we shared.

Talk about putting yourself out there … Discussing sex in front of 11-year-olds and the girl you’re dating is not easy. They couldn’t even air half of the questions that were being asked. Poor ABC probably didn’t know what to do with themselves! I am laughing out loud right now thinking about all those things the kids said! And I never told the guys those kids were actors. I was going to, but it was just too good to keep it to myself. If you guys are reading this … GOTCHA! But the guys were so great. I think, all in all, this was a very educational date for the guys. I mean, Joshua called a tampon a ripcord! Ha! I think he learned more than anyone at school that day. Ben H. just killed it on that date. He was so calm and confident up there, and then he tied in our relationship and how he was feeling.

Most of all, it was nice to see these men interacting with kids. It made me think about how they would be when the topic comes up with OUR kids. They all impressed me. I loved laughing about it later with Joshua. He’s such a beauty. And how cute was Jared? He just kept on getting better and better! I was also excited to hang out with Ben H. after how well he did on that date. The moment we shared on the helicopter pad was a game-changer for me. Getting dipped, overlooking LA on a helicopter pad while kissing Ben H., now that does NOT upset me.

Before we wrap things up, let’s talk BROMANCE. Clint and JJ, sittin’ in a tree. Wow, that was something serious. It’s crazy how much I didn’t see. I just wish Clint could have treated me like he treated JJ. Speaking of Clint, that night at the cocktail party, his name kept coming up. I appreciated the guys’ honesty. You could tell they didn’t want to be throwing anyone under the bus and that they were genuinely just looking out for me. I was so confused because I had seen this sweet, nice side of Clint that I was really attracted to. But when I heard stories and heard how the guys felt, it pissed me off. I had to do something about it.

I’m sure you have ants in your pants just waiting to hear how I handled that one. But you are gonna have to see how it all plays out next week. Are you guys just loving these cliff hangers or what? It’s a “Clint-hanger” this week. Get it? [Crickets]

‘Til next week, xoxo,
Kaitlyn

RELATED VIDEO: The Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe Reveals What She Looks for in a Perfect Match

The Bachelorette airs Mondays (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.