'The Bachelorette' 's JoJo Fletcher on Finding Closure as She Heads Toward a Proposal

The Bachelorette writes about seeing the season once more during Men Tell All: "I cannot believe some of the stuff I missed – talk about JUICY!"

Photo: Ari Michelson

After JoJo Fletcher won viewers’ hearts as a fan favorite on Ben Higgins‘ season of

The Bachelor, she’s now on her own journey to love onThe Bachelorette. She is blogging exclusively about each and every rose ceremony for PEOPLE – check back each week and follow her on Twitter at @Joellefletcher!

I was so excited going into this night, because after all, this is my first Tell All! I hadn’t seen any of these guys since the show, and I really missed this group. I couldn’t wait to see them. But as we know, Men Tell All is all about the men, so I missed everything before I came out towards the end. I mean I cannot believe some of the stuff I missed. Talk about JUICY!

So let me just start out by saying it’s crazy when you see these recaps of the season in a cohesive montage. You know, I feel like I focused so much on my relationships that I missed the combative energy that seemed to be flying around between these guys. I can’t believe how much I missed that had been going on in the house! I had no idea about half of these feuds. I honestly just assumed it was all Chad-related, but man was I wrong. It’s hard for me to be able to comment on these feuds since I wasn’t around for them. I have a lot of respect for Alex and Derek, and I just hope the best for them both.

Now let’s talk about Chad.

Just like you guys at home, I was eager to see what he had to say for himself. First of all, the drama of Chad dating Robby’s ex and Grant’s ex after the show really has nothing to do with me. It just solidifies the fact that Chad is more about attention than he likes to lead on … which is saying a lot. Also, OH-EM-GEE, Saint Nick! I cannot believe he jumped up and challenged Chad. Santa came out of winter hibernation! But I really don’t support physical violence.

Which brings me to Chad and Evan. When Chris Harrison pulled the ripped shirt footage, I was on the edge of my seat. I have to admit, it doesn’t look good for Evan here but no matter what, violence is never the answer to any conflict. And that goes for both of them.

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Someone who I really thought spoke eloquently was Wells. Hearing him try and reason with Chad, and speak about all the other drama made me remember just how great this guy is. I think the ladies in Paradise this summer are in for a treat with this guy! He really is such a catch.

I hadn’t spoken to Luke or Chase since our goodbyes during the season. Those were two of the hardest moments of my life. I know for me, seeing Ben again at After the Final Rose brought back a lot of emotion, but it felt really great to get that closure. I have nothing but admiration for Luke and Chase. I came into this night really looking forward to speaking with them for the first time in months.

Having Luke talk about our relationship was really touching. Our time together was really special and to hear he still loves me, it fills me with a ton of emotion. But to think I had something to do with him being able to open up again, and knowing he can be vulnerable – I don’t regret anything with him. I’ll always have a place in my heart for Luke.

It still pains me to see Chase still so confused and clearly hurting from that last night we spent together. To finally be able to talk with Chase, after all this time, it felt like we were finally closing that chapter. It was nice to be able to talk it out together and give him the answers he’s been looking for, and it also give me peace of mind that we were okay. I stand by the decision that I made in Thailand. But to this day it doesn’t make it any easier. I care for him so much and always will.

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Being able to talk with the rest of the guys was awesome. I didn’t waste my breath on Chad then, and I wont do it here now! But I will say, seeing the guys again really made me miss our time together. Being the Bachelorette was challenging at times, but it was so rewarding and it remains one of the best experiences of my life. And I mean come on, to finally meet Vinny’s mom?! Talk about a treat. That is one great man she raised. I really love these guys, and they all deserve to find an amazing love of their own.

I can’t believe in one week this journey is coming to and end. With just one episode left, I can’t thank you all for standing by my side. Being the Bachelorette has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Next episode was one of the most rewarding but challenging times in my life. Love isn’t always easy, especially when you find it with two people. I really went through a lot of heartache making the choices I did. But that’s all I can say for now I’ll see you guys next week!

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I can’t end this just yet without talking about my summer watch list! Guys, I don’t know about you, but Bachelor in Paradise looks CRAZY this season! I can’t wait to watch my friends from Ben’s season, and the guys from my season hopefully find love! And from what I’ve heard, you won’t want to miss it.


The Bachelorette‘s finale airs Monday at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.

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