Meet Your Bachelorette Contestants (Including the 'Amateur Sex Coach,' Whatever That Means)
BEN H., 26
Ben H. is a software salesman from Denver, Colorado, who looks very fetching in a maroon V-neck sweater. One of his favorite movies is 500 Days of Summer, and if he could have lunch with one person, it would be Nelson Mandela: "He is a legend and his grace is something I would like to model."
BEN Z., 26
This 26-year-old named Ben is a fitness coach from San Jose, California. We at PEOPLE have yet to confirm that Ben H. and Ben Z. are, in fact, two separate people. Ben Z. has your classic Bachelorette backstory – if he could have lunch with one person, it would be his mom: "I would take any extra second I could get with her."
An international auto shipper from Atlanta, Georgia, Bradley's cast photo gives the impression of someone who has no idea what is about to happen to him. According to his cast bio, his biggest date fear is "someone who can't handle or understand my sarcasm." If we were the gambling sort, we'd bet on Bradley being more into Kaitlyn than Britt.
Brady is a singer-songwriter from Nashville, Tennessee, who will surely enjoy the boost to his musical career that The Bachelorette will bring. We can only imagine that whether or not Brady is around for the "right reasons" will be called into question at some point during the season. His biggest date fear? "Explosive diarrhea." Gross, but, same, we suppose.
Chris also hails from Nashville, and he works as a dentist … but we probably didn't need to tell you that. Have you ever seen more perfect teeth in your life? If we're judging matches based on mutual straightness of teeth, we think that Chris might choose Britt. Chris views marriage as a "lifelong partnership" and would be Superman if he could be any superhero: "He can do so many cool things but he also leads a normal life."
An architectural engineer from Chicago, Illinois, Clint considers himself a romantic and if he could be someone else for just one day, he'd be Chuck Norris. "For obvious reasons."
Sorry, Chris, but Corey looks like actual Christopher Reeve-era Superman. If Corey could have lunch with anybody in the world, the investment banker from New York, New York, would go for a meal with the Dalai Lama: "That's an enlightened cat." Indeed, Corey. Indeed.
Cory-without-an-E is a residential developer from Pearland, Texas, and his biggest date fear is "finding out my date's really a dude." He also loves it when his dates are "considerate," "not uptight" and "up for anything." He sounds fun. One of his favorite movies is Along Came Polly.
Yet another Bachelorette contestant from Nashville, Daniel is a fashion designer for whom marriage means "sharing a beautiful life together." If he could be someone else for one day, it would be the Prince of Monaco "because he has a baller life."
A restaurant manager from Warwick, Rhode Island, Jared may be The Bachelorette's resident nice guy, having volunteered at a week-long summer camp for children with cancer for the past six years. If he could be someone else for just one day, he'd choose President Barack Obama: "Just so I could see how it feels to be the leader of the free world."
JJ is a "former investment banker," meaning he's a current … ? The jury is out. Money might be tight for JJ, who says that his biggest date fear is "Wasting my time and money on someone who was just using me for dinner." His favorite actor is Robert Downey Jr.: "He seems as cool as the other side of the pillow."
This insurance agent from Columbia, Kentucky, is the philosophical sort. Joe doesn't believe in the five-year plan because "I'm a man that takes life one day at a a time. If you look too far into the future you'll ignore the present."
More mysterious than JJ's non-job, however, is Jonathan's occupation of "automotive spokesman." What does that mean? We're picturing him as the star of used car dealership commercials, but that can't be right. Can it? In any case, Jonathan considers himself a romantic. "I try to always listen and attend to a woman's needs. Not just in the bedroom, but all around."
Josh, other than bearing a truly striking resemblance to John Travolta, is a law student/exotic dancer. No hate – law school is expensive in America. Hailing from Chicago, Josh says that his greatest achievement to date is "graduating from law school." So, wait – is he not a law student anymore? Is he just an exotic dancer? There's no shame in owning up to the fact that you haven't gotten a job at a law firm yet, Josh – the economy is rough.
Not to be confused with Josh, Joshua is an industrial welder from Kuna, Idaho. He has nine tattoos, counts Dumb and Dumber among his all-time favorite movies, and has an incredibly specific date fear: "My mom walking in holding a Kleenex to my nose and ordering me to blow." What? Okay. If he could be any superhero, he'd be The Invisible Man – "What guy wouldn't want to be in a room full of women to listen to them talk to try to understand them better?" That's still pretty invasive, Joshua. Your inoffensive, farm boy-looking smile belies a dark and stormy inner life.
Justin is a fitness trainer from Naperville, Illinois, and now we're starting to question the distinction between fitness-based occupations. What's the difference between Justin the fitness trainer and Ben Z. the fitness coach? Anyway, Justin has charming dimples but nonspecific ideas about humanitarianism – if he could be someone else for one day, he'd choose "Someone from a less privileged area or country. It would be an eye-opening/humbling experience."
Kupah is an entrepreneur from Boston, Massachusetts, whose biggest date fear is "dull conversation" and for whom marriage means "FOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEEEVEEEEEEEER." (That's verbatim from the ABC website.) You can also bet he'll be seeing the Entourage movie in theaters – if he could have lunch with one person, it would be Mark Wahlberg: "Hometown icon, still remains humble."
RYAN B., 32
RYAN M., 28
Ryan M. is a junkyard specialist from Kansas City, Missouri, which is an occupation for which we're going to need some clarification. His biggest date fear is pretty straightforward: "The person being terrible." We genuinely respect his simple honesty in that and in his choice of superhero – Wolverine – because "he is awesome-looking, ripped, has attitude, and doesn't take any crap."
SHAWN B., 28
Yet another man with a physical fitness-related job, Shawn B. is a personal trainer from Windsor Locks, Connecticut. His favorite artists are Jason Aldean, Blake Shelton "and obviously, One Direction." Shawn B. is an admitted Directioner!! We hope he ends up being the next Bachelor so that we can have a crack at him. He would be the Hulk, if he could, because "My 2-year-old nephew is obsessed with the Hulk. I would love to surprise visit him and yell, 'Hulk Smash!' " Wow. Wow. His celebrity doppelgänger is also Calvin Harris and he is a dog person. Is it too soon to say we're in love?
SHAWN E., 31
Shawn E., also known as the lesser Shawn (sorry, Shawn E.), is an "amateur sex coach" from Ontario, Canada. Okay, sure, but the question must be asked: Does he teach amateurs how to have sex, or is he a not-yet-professional sex coach? Marriage is forever for this Bachelorette contestant who says that he "will not be a statistic," and, we can assume, is probably the type to stay together for the kids.
A man of few words, Tanner also hails from Kansas City. This auto finance manager, whatever that means, loves it when his date "makes eye contact and holds conversation" and hates it when his date "can't hold a conversation or gets sloppy drunk."
Tony is a "healer," which doesn't seem entirely specific enough for when you're in a jam, health-wise. He's a man of eclectic tastes, however, counting Into the Wild, Beetlejuice and A Christmas Story among his all-time favorite movies. For Tony, being married means "To begin together, exhibit selflessness, to grow."