July 11, 2018 05:59 PM

Becca Kufrin vied for Arie Luyendyk Jr.s heart on season 8 of  The Bachelor. Now, she’s on her own journey to find love on the latest season of The Bachelorette — and she’s blogging about it exclusively for PEOPLE! Follow Becca on Twitter at @thebkoof

Welcome to the Bahamas! I couldn’t wait to get this week and all the dates started. With each day this journey gets more serious, and this week especially took on a whole new meaning because hometowns were right around the corner. I’ve said it many times before, but family is the most important thing to me, and I want a partner who feels that same importance in meeting family. I couldn’t believe that pretty soon I’d be doing just that … and four times! By this time, I was falling for multiple guys, so I knew that heading into this week (with no rose ceremony) I had to really evaluate each relationship before giving out a rose.

Paul Hebert/ABC

My first date of the week was with Colton. The Bahamas is a beautiful place, but half of that beauty is found in the clear warm ocean that surrounds the Islands. So what better way to explore than a luxury catamaran?! Colton always seemed put-together and buttoned-up, so I was really looking forward to seeing a more relaxed version of him. Little did we know too much conch would be involved. When Action pulled up on that bright yellow boat, I knew we were in for a treat. Not only did he teach us how to get deep to find the conch, but also how to find the pistol … or as he calls it, the Bahamian Viagra of the sea. Getting that conch was a lot harder than expected (sorry for all the innuendos, Mom), but it was seriously the most fun afternoon. By the end of the day, we were exhausted from diving into the ocean and so ready to dive deeper into our relationship.

RELATED VIDEO: Tia Booth Sets the Record Straight About Her History with The Bachelorette‘s Colton Underwood

Heading into my evening with Colton, I was eager to continue the amazing time we were having sans seafood. When he opened up and told me that he was still a virgin, I was surprised. I took a moment to myself to think. To me virginity is a meaningful thing, and I respect him for holding that so sacred. That being said, I am taking this process very seriously and I know Colton is as well. It was something I needed a moment to think about, with hometowns and eventually fantasy suite right around the corner. I would never judge someone for being a virgin. In this journey, though, I have multiple relationships, and so I wanted to be certain that Colton and I had a future before continuing a physical and emotional relationship. I know how much weight that holds. I was confident that what Colton and I had was real, and so I was ready to take our relationship to the next level at our own speed. I was glad that Colton was able to be so vulnerable with me. And giving out that first rose for hometowns made me feel so hopeful with what the next week meeting families would bring.

Paul Hebert/ABC
Paul Hebert/ABC

Moving into my next date of the week with Garrett, I was really excited. Our first one-on-one back in Park City was one of the best first dates I’ve had, and I only hoped that the momentum would continue. Garrett always made me feel so vibrant and youthful, so this date would be the perfect day to keep those feelings alive. Being on the seaplane was breathtaking. Flying above the crystal blue water was a moment I’ll never forget. I knew Garrett would appreciate it since he loved adventure. All day long we played in the sand and swam until our fingers and toes were prune-y. Garrett even built me a sand castle dream house that we would live in one day! It was so creative and really made me see how great of a Dad and husband he could be. I still had questions about what he was ready for, though. Was there more depth to our relationship other than the chemistry? That evening Garrett was able to open up and give me so much more than I expected. He was able to be so open about his past relationship, and I so appreciated his honesty. But when he continued to tell me he was falling in love with me, I knew in that moment I saw a future with him as well. This was one of the best dates of my life and I couldn’t wait to meet his family.

RELATED VIDEO: The Bachelorette‘s Chris Tries to Talk to Becca but When There’s a Will(s) There’s Not Always a Way!

My last one-on-one of the week with Blake was a long time coming. I remember being in his shoes last year and getting that very first one-on-one and wondering when my next date would be. It’s a nerve-wracking, intense feeling watching others go on dates week after week, wishing it were you. I always felt so confident in Blake and our relationship, but this date was leading into hometowns … so I wanted to be absolutely sure. Now, what you didn’t see was that when Blake and I first met up we went horseback riding along the beach. And after our first meeting ever on After the Final Rose, I couldn’t take anyone other than Blake, could I?! But the best part of our day was the beach party with the BAHA MEN!!! Now I have to say, I never knew Blake could dance like that! Apparently, he took swing-dancing lessons, and now I’m a firm believer that every man should. Fellas, take it from me — ladies love it. I have never felt more alive on a date. Heading into that evening, I was ready to continue the connection we started from our very first date. I knew if what Blake was feeling for me was like what I was feeling for him, then that third rose was definitely going to be taken after the night. To hear more about his family life and how difficult his parents’ divorce had been for him tugged at my heartstrings. I’m glad to have made him feel comfortable and at ease to share that. When he told me that he loved me, I felt like my heart was about to leap right out of my chest. What he didn’t know was I was starting to feel the same exact way about him.

Going into the last date of the week with just one more rose to give out weighed heavily on me. After going through the treacherous two-on-one date back in Vegas, I knew I’d have to put on a brave face for Leo, Wills and Jason … but as the day went on and we played beach volleyball, we all had such a great time, I didn’t know how I could make the choice! After a pretty close game where I proved my athletic abilities weren’t totally useless, I was excited to sit down with each guy so that I could find clarity to help me make the tough decisions that were ahead. Wills and Jason brought so much to each conversation and I knew in my gut then and there that what I had with Leo just didn’t match the feelings I felt with those other two men. When I sat with Leo, I knew that we were on the same page. Leo is a funny, kind and gentle man. He was someone who I could see a future with, it was just a little hazier than with some of the other guys left. I knew at that point that it was time for us to part ways. It was hard saying goodbye to him, but I knew that our lives just weren’t aligning quite like both of us had hoped. He was one of the most respectable men and it was probably the most mutual breakup I’ve ever had. Leo became someone important to me and someone who I really hope to continue a friendship with.

RELATED VIDEO: Is Jason a Bachelorette Front Runner?! Brandi Cyrus Thinks They Have an ‘Authentic’ Relationship

Heading into dinner that night, I hadn’t felt that torn or anxious this entire journey. I didn’t know how I would make the decision to give out that last rose, and I was praying that I would find the clarity and make the right decision. Both Wills and Jason brought different emotions and feelings into the evening. Wills by nature is very open and wears his heart on his sleeve. Jason is much more pragmatic but brings so much charisma and passion to our relationship. I was being pulled in two different directions. By the end of the night, it came down to who would I still think about if I sent one home. Who could I not see myself without, and who I felt ready to meet their family with. I knew then that it was Jason. But saying goodbye to Wills after all he opened up about was by far the hardest goodbye I’ve had yet. Wills was someone who I could laugh with, nerd out with and who I felt so comfortable being myself with. He just wasn’t the one for me at the end of this. While our goodbye was truly heartbreaking, it gives me joy to confirm that ladies… this isn’t the last you’ll be seeing of him. Yes, Wills is heading to Paradise! To all my girlfriends who will be heading to Mexico this summer, keep your eyes out for Wills, he’s one of the good ones! 😉

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Up to this point, The Bahamas had been my favorite week of the journey because I felt like the drama was FINALLY behind us and I was truly able to focus on romance and the future. But as one might predict, I’m just a little too quick to assume drama is behind me for good. Four families open their homes to me, but not everybody is ready to welcome me to the family. Next week, I find myself defending my relationships to potential in-laws while making the hardest decision yet of saying goodbye to one more amazing man. But the biggest shock is that Tia comes back to drop a bomb that shakes up the entire foundation of my relationship with Colton. Trust me, you won’t want to miss a moment of it. Colton, Garrett, Blake, Jason … off to your hometowns we go!

Thanks for reading and until next week!

xoxx,

Becca

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.

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