"I am sorry if I said anything at all that misled her," he writes

By Sean Lowe
March 05, 2013 07:30 AM
Kevin Foley/ABC

Sean Lowe is the star of season 17 of The Bachelor, which airs Mondays on ABC. The hunky Dallas businessman and entrepreneur is blogging about his romantic journey for PEOPLE.com.

I may be the only man in the history of The Bachelor who has been excited for the Women Tell All special. I had nothing but great memories of all the women, and I was genuinely happy to see them. I felt like I was always direct and honest when I sent them home, so I really had nothing to fear.

Walking out and taking a seat in front of the women was such a surreal experience. Having 20-plus “exes” in the same room is a bit daunting, but I was happy to see them nonetheless.

One thing you didn’t get to see was my discussion with Chris Harrison about Sarah. I addressed Sarah first because I wanted to reassure her that she will find the right man when the time is right. It really made me sad watching the show and hearing her say that every guy says she’s wonderful and pretty but then breaks her heart. I hate being added to that list.

I was happy and relieved to see that Sarah was very positive, and it seemed as if she grew as a person through her experience on The Bachelor.

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I wasn’t sure how my heart would react seeing Des for the first time since our tearful goodbye in Los Angeles. I doubted my decision the night I sent her home, and a part of me still thinks I should have taken her to Thailand. I was so happy she greeted me with a warm smile and told me it was good to see me. Although it didn’t work out with us, she’ll always have a place in my heart because she is such a lovable person.

I know Des has moved on, and I’m hoping she gets a second chance at love – maybe on the next season of The Bachelorette? She would definitely get my vote.

Now comes the part I didn’t expect. I knew AshLee was an emotional person, so I didn’t really expect her to be all smiles like Des was, but I definitely didn’t expect what I got. After Chris invited AshLee to the couch, she began to tell me that she always viewed me as a southern gentleman and how she was very disappointed that I didn’t come check on her after sending her home.

This totally caught me off guard. I wanted to be as nice as possible, but I also wanted to tell her that once you don’t receive a rose, you know you only get a brief moment to talk it over before going home. She wasted that moment by not saying a word. That’s why Chris Harrison says, “Take a moment and say your goodbyes.” I don’t want to sound unsympathetic, but that’s how the show works.

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I’ve been there too. And I sat on the bench with Emily Maynard looking for answers before I drove off. The decision to send AshLee home was a difficult one, but I knew the other two women were better suited for me and that’s where my focus needed to be. Also, had I checked on AshLee, I feel that would have only delayed her healing process by sending her mixed signals.

Next comes the accusation that I did not see coming. AshLee proceeded to tell me that during the course of our overnight date, I told her that I didn’t have feelings for the other two women.

Let me set the record straight – I never said that. I would never say that. It just doesn’t make sense. Of course I had feelings for the other two women. That’s been apparent for weeks! And not only did I have feelings for them, I was falling in love with them. I even had feelings for women like Des and Leslie, who weren’t even there anymore.

In that moment on WTA, I felt like it was an attack on my character, so I began to get defensive. I was so stunned by the accusation that I was speechless.

To this day, I don’t know what I may have said that would have given AshLee the impression she got, but I am sorry if I said anything at all that misled her because that was truly not my intention. I am also sorry that she’s still harboring these feelings of resentment. I wish nothing but the best for AshLee, and I hope she finds a great love one day.

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So Women Tell All ended up not being as great of a reunion as I was hoping it would be, but I was still glad I had the chance to see all those exceptional women one more time. My only regret was not having the chance to address Leslie during the show. I felt like our relationship was so great for so many reasons, and I wanted her to know how wonderful I think she is.

Wow. I can’t believe it’s almost over. The finale is just one week away!

As always, thanks for watching!