We’ve barely made it past week 2 on The Bachelor and we’ve already got a shameless villain, two topless girls and one awkward breakup. Didn’t we tell you Nick Viall‘s season was going to be amazing? Let’s dive right in.
THE GROUP DATE
The very first group date of the season was a wedding photo shoot, because of course it was. The 12 lucky ladies handpicked to be subjected to this very particular form of torture were Corrine, Vanessa, Sarah, Alexis, Hailey, Lacey, Brittany, Jasmine, Raven, Danielle L., Taylor and Elizabeth W.
“Renowned photographer” Franco Lacosta (a.k.a. this very flamboyant Puerto Rican designer) picked out dresses for each of the girls, except because the world of The Bachelor is often full of cruel and unusual punishment, not all of them got to be brides and some were forced to be sad bridesmaids that looked on while Nick made out with a blushing bride directly to their left.
Now, it’s not unusual for the Bachelor or Bachelorette to start kissing some of the contestants by week 2, but it definitely isn’t supposed to happen in front of everyone, which is basically what happened here. Nick probably (definitely) made out with each girl at least once while the rest of them guzzled champagne and tried to convince themselves the situation wasn’t completely and utterly degrading.
Lacey to Nick: You taste like Danielle!
You’re better than this, Lacey!!! Also, shout out to Alexis for not knowing what a shotgun wedding was, but then rocking that baby bump like no other. She definitely won’t win, but she’s going to be a great addition to Paradise.
Meanwhile, Corinne is obviously taking this whole villain thing in stride and repeatedly told any contestant who would listen how much she loves kissing Nick and what a good kisser Nick is and oh, did you know, she’s been like kissing Nick a ton? Hailey was like, Oh my God, how cute! which is just stupid. This is a competition, Hailey. Get your head in the game.
A moment of silence for Brittany, the “Adam & Eve”-themed bride. Brittany wore leaves as underwear and hair extensions as a shirt. She was also forced to get a severe spray tan and/or roll around in the dirt. Behold, the final product, which you can never unsee:
Never one to be the most clothed person in the room, Corinne — the “beach bride” — then proceeded to remove her bikini top during her own photo shoot so that she could “pull a Janet Jackson” and have Nick cradle her bare breasts in his hands from behind.
Corinne: Nick held my boobs today. Like, he held my boobs, okay?! No one has ever held my boobs like that. No one ever will.
Ah, the art of boob-holding. And you thought chivalry was dead!
The fact that the rest of the women were forced to watch this photo shoot unfold was just brutal. Also Corinne “won” the challenge. Le sigh.
During the evening portion of the group date, drunk with power off of her recent win and probably several vodka sodas, Corinne was unstoppable. And by that we mean she could not, would not, stop stealing Nick away from the other girls. But like, they didn’t even really have anything to talk about? So all they did was make out in various different spots around the room?
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In between making out with Corinne, Nick also engaged in all sorts of thrilling conversations with the other women, like this one:
Taylor: I’ve noticed you like, do this thing where like, you get a thought, and you kind of go with it, you know? Like, you kind of get in the zone on a certain topic.
Nick: Yeah, I can do that.
Taylor: It’s super attractive. Super cute.
Nick: Oh, I’m glad you like it.
Taylor: When you do that, I like that.
Nick: It’s just who I am, I suppose.
Are you still with us? Have we lost you? Anyway, Corinne got the group date rose. Guess Nick enjoyed that boob-holding as much as she did.
Corinne: Dad would be proud. Even though I was naked.
… said no one ever.
THE ONE-ON-ONE DATE
Danielle M. got the first one-on-one date of the season. She is definitely the nicest girl that has ever been cast on this show and it’s throwing people off.
Lacey: I’m so happy that Danielle got the one-on-one date because she’s amazing. Like, I didn’t even know girls were that nice?!
Lacey is right. Danielle M. is incredibly nice. Like the kind of nice where you can’t even hate her for being nice because she’s just that nice.
Nick and Danielle spent the morning flying over Newport Beach in a helicopter and then landed on a yacht for the day. By the show’s standards, Danielle is on the older side (she’s 31) and her maturity is highly refreshing. Danielle also has a really sad backstory. Five-and-a-half years ago, her fiancé overdosed on drugs and passed away — three months into their engagement. Danielle deserves love. Pick Danielle, Nick!
While Nick was off making out with Danielle M. on a Ferris wheel, however, his past was slowly but surely coming back to haunt him back at the house in the form of Liz, a contestant he previously slept with. To catch you up: Liz was the maid of honor at Jade and Tanner Tolbert‘s wedding in January 2016, which Nick attended, and the two had sex that night. Nick asked for her number, but Liz said they should probably leave it at that so they never spoke again … until she showed up as a contestant on last week’s premiere.
The rest of the women obviously weren’t aware of that fun little factoid, but Liz decided to confide in Christen and ended up telling her all the nitty gritty details. And, by the way, she certainly didn’t do Nick any favors: “It was a very awkward night,” she said. “Super awkward. Lot of alcohol. A lot of [mimics disjointed movements]. A lot of intermittent sex and talk.”
By the way, Liz has one more awkward night with Nick ahead of her. We’re getting to that.
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THE SECOND GROUP DATE
For the second group date, Nick took Christen, Josephine, Astrid, Jaimi, Kristina and Liz to the Museum of Broken Relationships. If you’re thinking that sounds like the most depressing place ever, you are not wrong.
As the group strolled around the museum — which, by the way, also displays the engagement ring Nick previously picked out for Kaitlyn Bristowe — it quickly became obvious that Nick was very much avoiding Liz, refusing to make eye contact with her and awkwardly slinking away whenever she approached him. According to him, his anxiety stemmed from the fact that he didn’t know whether she had told the other women about their history yet — and he didn’t want them to think he was keeping secrets from them.
All of this was then made 100 times worse by the fact that Nick was forced to engage in a mock breakup with each of the women as part of a live symposium called “the art of the breakup,” where the museum has couples stand up on stage and break up in real time in front of museum goers. (WHO COMES UP WITH THIS STUFF???)
Most of the women made a joke out of it, but when it was Liz’s turn, she decided instead to read what was essentially a very somber recap of their relationship (and its eventual demise).
“I hope when you find the girl that you’re willing to fight for that you will fight for her in a way that I wish that you would have fought for me,” she said. “I know that this is the end of a chapter for us, but I really hope that it’s a beautiful beginning for you.”
As you can imagine, the rest of the women were highly confused by this. Nick, meanwhile, legitimately looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die and you could just tell by the look in his eyes that this was the moment he decided he was going to send Liz home. Direct quote: “I’m living my nightmare.”
During the evening portion of the group date, he did his best to spend time talking with each woman but was obviously panicking about the Liz situation. Finally, during his conversation with Christen, he found out Liz had told her they’d had sex, and then he decided it was time to put an end to it all.
Nick and Liz had yet another super awkward conversation in which she tried to defend herself for not reaching out to him after the wedding but then going on the show instead and proceeded to say a whole bunch of things that didn’t really make sense, like: “I don’t necessarily like phone conversations if I already have an established relationship with somebody.” Like, what? Wouldn’t it be the opposite? Anyway, Nick was really not feeling it so he told her it was best for the both of them to say goodbye that night and all but shoved her out the door.
Of course, then he had to face the rest of the women — and he cut right to the chase, telling them 1) he just sent Liz home and 2) he also had sex with Liz nine months ago.
As for their reactions? We’ll have to wait for next week to find out … but it doesn’t look pretty.
The Bachelor airs Mondays (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.