The Bachelor's Nick Viall Reveals Which of Three Mid-Date Eliminations Left Him 'Instantly Heartbroken'
The Bachelor airs Mondays (8 p.m. ET) on ABC
He was devastated twice on The Bachelorette and had a summer fling on Bachelor in Paradise, and now Nick Viall is looking to find a love that lasts as The Bachelor‘s latest leading man. Read his exclusive blog for PEOPLE every week and follow him at Twitter, @viallnicholas28!
Hey guys, we’re back this week, and, well, so is Taylor.
Last week we watched as I decided to bring Taylor and Corinne on a two-on-one date. Things certainly heated up in the Bayou between the women, and what started out as positive voodoo vibes turned negative pretty quickly. But for me, I just wanted to keep my attention to the relationships I had with them individually. I have the upmost respect for Taylor, and I really enjoyed the moments we had shared during this journey. But inevitably I didn’t think that we were a good match.
When Taylor came back, I was shocked. I wasn’t sure what to expect. While I didn’t feel like we covered anything totally new, I was happy she took the chance to leave everything on the table. I don’t have any regrets with Taylor — and I hope she doesn’t either.
After my two-on-one there was a lot on my mind heading into the rose ceremony. There was something telling me that I knew what I needed to do. So I canceled the cocktail party. I told myself going into this that when I knew it was time to say goodbye I wouldn’t waste anyone’s time. Josephine, Alexis and Jaimi are three women who I had grown to really care for and love to be around. I just felt like there wasn’t enough of an emotional connection building. I wish nothing but amazing things for those women, and I truly believe that for Alexis there is an aquatic counterpart out there just waiting for her to swim into his heart. Who knows, maybe in Paradise?
New Orleans had been amazing, but it was time to move on! So I packed my bags, picked up a dozen beignets for the road and headed to St. Thomas! But really, on the wait to the airport we 100 percent did stop by Café du Monde for one [cough] okay two [cough] bags of beignets. I don’t think I was through security before I had finished at least five.
Arriving in St. Thomas was like a tropical dream. The weather was unbelievable, the locals were awesome and picking up my date in town via seaplane wasn’t too shabby either. I will say, if you are planning a seaplane expedition anytime soon I urge you to brace yourselves. More wind means more choppy water and the landing … well, let’s just say a cushioned seat would have been welcomed with open arms.
Picking Kristina for the one-on-one felt long overdue. For some time now Kristina and I built a strong connection, but I had been waiting for the right date to have that extra time with her. I knew there was more to her that she had not yet shared with me. I was eager to spent this time with such a beautiful and charming woman.
After a fun afternoon, I felt like our connection grew so much deeper then I anticipated. Kristina is easy to be around, she is funny and charming and more than intriguing. What you didn’t see was more of Kristina teaching me Russian, and man was it sexy. It was hard to concentrate because I just wanted to hear her speak it, not myself!
Sitting over dinner with Kristina I wanted to know more about her past and what brought her to America. When she opened up about her family and leaving Russia for a better life, she really floored me. I couldn’t believe how much she had been through in life. I developed a new admiration for this strong and resilient woman. I was touched with how open she was with me, and her story put so much into perspective. I think this journey helps people focus on what they want and need in their life, and Kristina is someone I could see a real future with.
I woke up the morning of the group date on such a high from my one-on-one with Kristina. I felt like this week had started out perfectly, what could go wrong? Being so many weeks in, of course it is no secret that time becomes more and more valuable. The tension that comes with group dates gets stronger, and people start to get anxious. I know at this time during Andi and Kaitlyn’s season I certainly started to get stir crazy. So, planning a fun beach day seemed like it would be the perfect date. There were drinks, games and some of the most beautiful scenery in the world. I felt like things were off to a good start, but it became clear quickly that nobody cared for the volleyball.
I felt terrible for how emotional the women became during the date. I know for people like Vanessa and Danielle M. it’s hard because they had such early one-on-ones. Did they feel like our connection was slipping? Or Jasmine, who I hadn’t yet had any one on one time with? Of course I wanted that time, but I also wanted to enjoy whatever time we did share together in the best way possible. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going wrong. Was it me? Was it the date? Was it really just reality sinking in that things were starting to get serious? All I knew was that I wanted to make it clear that these women were important to me and hopefully turn the evening into a better time.
I was optimistic about turning the date around, and so I walked into the evening excited to spend time with all the women. I was still feeling a little anxious about the day, but it was Raven who put me at ease. Raven is always like a breath of fresh air. She has this presence about her that immediately calms me while still feeling excited. I felt like we had made huge strides in our relationship back in Wisconsin, and this was an evening that made me confident that we were only getting stronger.
Rachel, on the other hand, was someone I had just come of a phenomenal date with the week prior. I was a little nervous about why she wasn’t having a good day. I know it has to be hard coming back into a group date setting right off a one-on-one, but I thought that we had a secure enough connection to override any doubt. Even though we ended our conversation on a high note, I was worried that she was getting too into her head.
Now, let’s talk about Jasmine. Jasmine is a woman I was intrigued by since the first night we met. She is beautiful, outgoing and knows exactly what she wants. But throughout the journey I felt like she had been questioning herself and letting the environment into her head. I know how this world can be intimidating and can make you doubt yourself. I think that Jasmine was just forcing something that wasn’t coming naturally. I enjoyed her company, her wit and energy, but there was an emotional connection that wasn’t clicking. Once Jasmine told me how she felt, I knew I didn’t and wouldn’t feel the same in return.
It is a terrible feeling to have to say goodbye to someone who so badly wants to make it work. But I felt by keeping her, even until the rose ceremony would be giving her the wrong impression — and would be wasting her time. That night didn’t exactly end the way I had expected. All I wanted to do was get back on track and move past the emotional day, but it didn’t happen. That evening was the first time I had walked away from a group date feeling somewhat helpless and discouraged.
As if you thought one would be enough, I decided to have another two-on-one. The week in St. Thomas was already off to a mixed start, and even though we were about half way into the journey, I was thinking only about the future. While my two-on-one with Corinne and Taylor was totally different, I still felt like what I got out of the date was beneficial. I went into this date hoping to get the same gut feeling that guided me the last time. My thought process was, If I don’t see a strong connection now, then what can I build off of? I hadn’t had a one-on-one with Whitney yet, but I felt like a two-on-one would give us more time to see what was there between us. There had always been a spark, but I went into the date hoping it could grow into a bigger flame. Unfortunately, that just didn’t happen.
Whitney is a beautiful and kind person, but we just weren’t right for one another. Saying goodbye felt terrible. I know this is all a part of the process, but I had started to feel like I wasn’t connecting with anyone. Although saying goodbye to Whitney was hard, I still had Danielle. Danielle and I had a great one on one back in Wisconsin, but since then I felt like we lost some of our momentum. I felt good about the time we shared on the beach, but I felt like I wasn’t ready to hand out a rose yet. I decided that evening for us would be make or break.
Sitting with Danielle that evening, I can’t really put my finger on what felt off, but I just didn’t feel the same confidence as I did in Wisconsin. I had seen myself going to Danielle’s hometown, and maybe even further, but over the weeks that followed Wisconsin that started to slip away. I saw this evening as an opportunity to get back on track. It wasn’t until Danielle told me she loved me that I knew I couldn’t say the words back. I felt instantly heartbroken. Heartbroken over hurting this woman who allowed herself to be vulnerable … heartbroken because I had felt so confident a week prior.
Saying goodbye was very emotional for me. I was sad to see Danielle go, but I also felt a sense of doubt. Doubt that this might not actually work for me in the end. I decided to go talk to the women. I needed to be honest about where my head was. I owed it to them.
Tune in next week to see what I decide to do. I think you’ll all be a little shocked with the surprising decision I make … I know the women were.
Thanks for reading,
The Bachelor airs Mondays (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.