The Bachelor airs Mondays (8 p.m. ET) on ABC


He was devastated twice on The Bachelorette and had a summer fling on Bachelor in Paradise, and now Nick Viall is looking to find a love that lasts as The Bachelor‘s latest leading man. Read his exclusive blog for PEOPLE every week and follow him at Twitter, @viallnicholas28!

I’d imagine most of you guys reading this know the last time Andi knocked on my door it didn’t turn out so well. It was a couple years ago, and I thought I was about to have the opportunity to propose. Instead she broke my heart and broke up with me. Lucky for me, we haven’t dated in quite some time and this knock wasn’t so dire, but it certainly came as a shock just as the time before.

Andi and I have certainly had our fair share of drama over the past couple of years, but we’ve actually reached a place where we’re gracious and somewhat friendly with one another. Who would have thought that Andi and I would be in place where we could openly talk about love, sex and our history so calmly?

Sure a visit from your ex can be awkward, but I thought that Andi’s visit proved that after sometime, you can be friends with an ex. While our trip down memory lane was short and sweet, it reminded me that I’d eventually have to make a similar tough decision in the weeks coming.

New York is my favorite city in the world … but I was dreading that rose ceremony. It was emotional to have to come to my decision after such an amazing time visiting these women’s families.

Saying goodbye to Corinne was terrible. Corinne is an exceptional woman who made such an impact on me during this journey. There are so many memorable moments we shared together. From our first kiss the night we met to bouncy castles and meeting her amazing family (and her nanny Raquel!). Corinne, much like myself, was considered controversial; she wasn’t always taken seriously in the house, she went after what she wanted and she is a bold woman. What I saw was a woman who deserves more credit in this world.

Corinne is truly one of the most interesting, caring and charismatic women I’ve ever known. In my heart, I knew my future was stronger with Rachel, Vanessa and Raven, but to this day I miss Corinne and she deserves all the love in the world. I really hope that she and I can be friends in the future, maybe get to a place like Andi and I have gotten to? Next week we reunite and speak for the first time during The Bachelor: Women Tell All. Trust me you won’t want to miss what she has to say.

RELATED VIDEO: #WereCorinneMourning — Watch The Bachelor Star Corinne Olympios’ 5 Stages of Grief

With the FINNISH line around the corner we packed our boots and coats and traveled all the way north to Lapland, Finland. Finland is one of the most romantic places I’ve ever been to in my life, and the moment I arrived I knew that it would be the perfect place to end this journey.

I had such an amazing time visiting Raven’s hometown. I wasn’t sure where her heart was, but I knew that we felt strongly for one another. I decided she would be the perfect first date in Finland. It was so cool taking a helicopter ride around scenic Lapland. In Lapland there are more reindeer then people, unbelievable snowcapped mountains and the most unbelievable skyline. It honestly was like a fairy tale. A freezing cold fairy tale, but a fairy tale nonetheless.

Hanging with Raven in the pub that afternoon was so great. Something you didn’t see was the very competitive game of darts Raven and I challenged the locals to. With the help of my feisty Southern beauty we kicked their butts and ended up winning a round of drinks.

With Raven things are always fun and surprising which is a trend that certainly ran into that evening. I was so touched and grateful when Raven told me she was in love with me. I know Raven has never said those words to anyone before, and to be the man she declared this to was an emotional and amazing moment.

The surprises didn’t stop there, because Raven professed not only her love but a truth she’s been holding in — she’s never had an orgasm. As Raven put it, I truly was at a loss for words. I wasn’t sure of what I wanted to do in the Fantasy Suites because I really do feel like it is so much more than an opportunity to be intimate. All I knew was that I wanted more time with this beautiful amazing woman.

As my week with three unbelievable woman continues, my feelings for them get deeper and deeper. Raven, Vanessa and Rachel continue to blow me away with their charm, beauty and intellect. I had imagined falling in love in Finland, and it definitely starts to happen. The next two weeks are packed with emotions, painful goodbyes and my journey coming to an end. And as much as everyone has been speculating how I finally leave this Bachelor world, it might not be what you think.

But first, as you all know, Rachel has been announced as the new Bachelorette! I couldn’t be happier for this amazing woman, but saying goodbye to her was my hardest yet. Watch next week as Rachel and I share our last date together in Finland and I make one of the toughest decisions to say goodbye.

But guys, as if that wasn’t enough, there is even more next week! After The Bachelor, I reunite with the beautiful women from my journey during The Bachelor: Women Tell All. Rachel and I see one another for the first time since our tearful goodbye in Finland, and her announcement as the Bachelorette. Alexis may or may not be wearing a nautical suit, and the rest of these ladies don’t hold back the drama. There is arguing, cheese pasta, sharks, dolphins and a whole lot of tears. Trust me, you won’t want to miss what these ladies have to say.

Thanks for reading,

The Bachelor continues with a one-hour episode Monday at 8 p.m. ET, followed by the two-hour Women Tell All special at 9 p.m., both on ABC.