Plus, newcomer Jaclyn arrives with a plan to "steal people's boyfriends"

By Aurelie Corinthios
August 31, 2015 09:00 PM
ABC

On Monday’s episode of Bachelor in Paradise, we finally got a break from the incessant JoeSamantha saga that had basically taken over the entire season.

After finally sending Joe home on Sunday night’s episode, Samantha kept a relatively low profile – but have no fear, the other contestants more than made up for it with their fair share of drama, including break-ups, Fantasy Suite dates, and last but not least, a wedding.

Sunday night’s episode left off with Carly trying to convince newcomer Chelsie to ask Dan on a date in an attempt to pull him away from his new interest, Samantha – who no one can stand after the nightmare that was Textgate 2015.

That plan crashed and burned pretty quickly when Chelsie decided to ask Nick on the date instead.

As for Nick, he was more than excited for a chance to get out of the house – and away from Ashley S., who’s notoriously strange behavior had clearly gotten on his nerves.

“When Ashley is doing her whole weird spiel and not making any sense, everybody looks at me, like, ‘Dude, your girl is out of control,’ ” he said. “I’m ready to hang out with somebody that’s not weird.”

He accepted the date and then went to call it quits with Ashley I.

“You drank a lot last night, you kind of smell like a brewery,” he told her. Great opener for a break-up, Nick.

But she actually seemed angrier that Nick had broken up with her before she had the chance to brush her teeth and put on makeup than the fact that he was breaking up with her in the first place. (Which is fair – if you’re getting dumped twice on national television, you’d at least want to look your best while it’s happening.)

Nick and Chelsie’s date involved sailing around on a (huge) yacht, but it was clear the sparks weren’t flying and Nick admitted in an on-camera interview that he was still “hung up on Samantha,” whom he had texted with casually before the show started.

While Nick was pining over Samantha during his date with Chelsie, Samantha, meanwhile, was back at the house being aggressively pursued by Dan.

On his end, Dan said he thinks he and Samantha have more in common than any other two people on the show – which sounds absolutely ridiculous considering Kirk and Carly are basically a married couple (same with Tanner and Jade), and we have yet to see Dan and Samantha have any real conversation of substance that wasn’t about her ex, Joe.

We still don’t know what the situation surrounding Sam and her bevy of suitors is by the end of the episode, but something tells us she won’t have any trouble convincing a guy to give her a rose at the next ceremony.

You may remember Mackenzie Deonigi from Chris Soules‘ season of The Bachelor as that one girl searching for love (but also aliens).

Mackenzie arrived in Paradise toward the beginning of the episode and was back with plenty more wacky behavior (and of course, more obsessing over aliens).

After getting the scoop about who was coupled up from her friend Ashley I., Mackenzie asked Justin out on her date and it got very, very weird.

The pair made their way down a rocky pathway to a fire pit on the beach, where they found themselves in the presence of a Mexican priest ready to perform a traditional ceremony.

They stripped down and were instructed to paint mud on each other, wash it off and drape themselves in robes and a thick white rope.

Watching Mackenzie try to understand the priest’s Spanish was absolutely hilarious. He eventually gave up trying to explain that “cérculo” meant circle in English and just let her smear the mud all over Justin’s back instead.

The date concluded with the priest placing flower crowns on both of their heads, inviting them to kiss and joking that they were now “married.”

Upon returning to the house, Mackenzie could not stop telling everyone about their “marriage,” seemingly believing the union was actually real (or maybe just keeping the joke going for way, way too long).

Poor sunburned Justin couldn’t help but laugh: “I went through the honeymoon phase with Mackenzie, and now reality has set in.”

The next girl to arrive was Jaclyn Swartz, from Ben Flajnik‘s season of The Bachelor, and she made quite an entrance.

“I’m ready to rumble,” she said during her on-camera interview. “I want to steal people’s boyfriends, I want to disrupt the peace.”

That being said, she wasn’t particularly impressed with the line-up: “They may as well call this Kaitlyn’s Rejects,” she said, in reference to the fact that several of the men on the show were Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe‘s castoffs. “It’s slim pickings out here.”

So who does she go for? (It’s certainly not Joshua, who she had no trouble calling out as “the welder who can’t construct formal sentences.”)

Her target was Jared, one of the hottest (and most non-committal) commodities on Bachelor in Paradise this season. At this point, Jared is essentially linked with Ashley I. after she gave him a letter and her rose at the ceremony the night before.

“Jared is like the nicest guy in the house,” explained Tanner. “And Jaclyn kind of has a black widow feel to her, like she would rip your head off after sex.”

Petition to make Tanner the official Bachelor commentator?

After seeing Jaclyn make her move on Jared, Ashley I. was thrown into a frenzied panic and immediately ran off to find host Chris Harrison.

Ashley I., whose much-talked about virginity made quite a stir on Soules’ season of The Bachelor, informed Harrison that she wanted an overnight “Fantasy Suite” date with Jared, thus insinuating she was ready to take their relationship to the next level.

The timing was almost too perfect as she came running back with the date card literally at the exact same time that Jaclyn was asking Jared out on her date. Jared accepted the overnight with Ashley I., and Jaclyn’s face was priceless.

When asked by Tanner if he was going to “get romantic” in the Fantasy Suite, Jared said he would “play it by ear” – which was just a classic, non-committal, “sidelines bro,” keeping-the-peace Jared response.

As for Ashley I., she was much more clear: “I may not be a virgin tomorrow,” she squealed in her on-camera interview before leaving on the date.

Tune in to find out what happens on the two-night Bachelor in Paradise finale on Sunday and Monday at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.

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