Plus, what went down with Nick Viall and Andi Dorfman?

By Aurelie Corinthios
February 27, 2017 09:00 PM
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This week’s episode of The Bachelor may have only been an hour long, but we’ve still got plenty to talk about — and that includes an ex, sex and a breakup. (Thankfully, not in that particular order.)

ANDI DORFMAN RETURNS

Spoiler alert: The heavily teased return of Nick Viall‘s ex Andi Dorfman was nowhere near as *dramatic* as it was hyped to be. That being said, it was delightfully uncomfortable, which always makes for great television.

In case you’re not caught up, the last time Andi knocked on Nick’s door unexpectedly she dumped him for Josh Murray on The Bachelorette in 2014. Then, of course, Nick called her out on live television for having had sex with him with the single line forever etched in the franchise’s history: “If you weren’t in love with me, I’m just not sure why you MADE love to me.” (We’re still screaming internally, three years later.)

So, naturally, ABC decided it would be fun for Andi to return to give Nick a little pep talk as he geared up for his own Fantasy Suite dates.

Nick: “Have a seat. I need a drink. Do you need a drink?”

Andi: “Yes. I think this conversation might call for some whiskey.”

Honestly, bring out the Everclear for this one, Nick.

Nick then told Andi he had “four very smart women” left and Andi was like: “And they stuck around? I’m just kidding teehee!” (Zing! No she’s not.) Nick also said a whole bunch of conflicting statements, like: “I’m not going to get engaged just because I’m the Bachelor,” followed swiftly by: “I think this is going to work and I’m really happy.”

A glass of whiskey later, Andi point-blank asked Nick if he was planning on having sex with any of the women in the Fantasy Suites. (Duh.) Nick said he wasn’t sure, and Andi advised him that if he genuinely saw the potential of an engagement with someone, he had every right to get intimate with them. Oh, and Nick also apologized for that time he casually aired their sex life on television. Insert awkward hug and fin.

ROSE CEREMONY

Meanwhile, the final four women were gearing up for that evening’s rose ceremony and Vanessa got emotional because she only just realized there were still three other women in the running and she might not be only one Nick has feelings for.

Vanessa: “I just don’t feel special. It’s a horrible feeling.”

Seriously did no one explain to her how this show works?

Corinne showed up looking extra AF in an ombré shag coat and double thigh slit dress but then — Team Corn, you might want to sit down for this one — SHE WAS SENT HOME. Yes. It’s true. Corinne, our beloved cheesy pasta-eating reality villain extraordinaire was eliminated. Nick handed out roses to Raven and Rachel, and then it came down to Corinne and Vanessa, and he picked Vanessa.

Corinne didn’t even wait to be alone with Nick after the elimination and immediately burst into tears in front of everyone. Well, we can’t be sure there were any actual tears but there was a lot of sobbing and wailing. (Also smiling? Pretty sure Corinne was smiling at one point. Did anyone else catch that?)

Nick told Corinne he has a lot of love for her and was going to miss the hell out of her. Honestly, same. Then they said goodbye and Corinne went on what can only be described as one of the most insane limo exit rants in Bachelor history, printed below in full:

Corinne: “I’m trying to say things that men think are appropriate. And you know what? I’m done. Done! I’m done trying to show my men how much I worship them and I love them and I care for them and I support them. I need that. So, if someone feels that way about me, they can come and tell me and they can bring a ring to go along with it. I’m done trying to impress these men. I’m going to be me, and whatever happens, happens. But I will never kiss up to a man ever again in my life. I’m tired and I’m done. I want to go to sleep.”

Can you guess what she did next?

… She fell asleep. This woman is a national treasure.

DATE WITH RAVEN

After the rose ceremony, Nick and the final three were off to their final destination: Lapland, Finland, where Nick and Raven went on the very first overnight date of the season.

The two spent the day flying over the stunning landscape in a helicopter and playing darts in an adorable Finnish pub. Raven admitted she was feeling pretty “nervous” about the Fantasy Suite that night and Nick reassured her that he didn’t have any “expectations.”

Then Raven dropped the bombshell during a confessional that she’s only had sex with one person, her ex-boyfriend, and — wait for it — she’s never had an orgasm.

Later that night, Raven decided it was time to tell Nick how she really felt. It took her a while (and quite a few gulps of wine) but she finally got around to telling Nick she had fallen in love with him — the first time she’s ever dropped the L-word with any man. Nick didn’t say it back, but he did call it “one of the best professions of love” he’s ever heard.

RELATED VIDEO: ‘Virgins Are out, Orgasms Are in’ — Breaking Down Raven’s Bachelor Reveal

Then Nick offered Raven the Fantasy Suite card and key, asking her to spend the night with him. She accepted — but not without unabashedly disclosing her very tragic orgasm news. Nick, for his part, got rather flushed and didn’t really have an answer … but the episode did end with the two of them making out in bed.

Fingers crossed for Raven, Bachelor Nation. She deserves it.

The Bachelor continues with a one-hour episode Monday at 8 p.m. ET, followed by the two-hour Women Tell All special at 9 p.m., both on ABC.