Played By: Lady Gaga
Who She Is: The extremely glamorous and extremely dangerous – her favorite accessory is a chainmail glove – owner of the Hotel Cortez, who just so happens to maintain her stunning looks by drinking human blood.
How Scared We Are of Her: Completely and utterly terrified is an understatement.
Played By: Matt Bomer
Who He Is: The Countess’ equally bloodthirsty lover, who finds himself having to compete for her affections with newcomer Tristan Duffy … a development he’s not happy about in the slightest.
How Scared We Are of Him: More nervous and wary than anything else.
Played By: Finn Wittrock
Who He Is: A male model who becomes the object of The Countess’ affections.
How Scared We Are of Him: Considering he’s getting in between Donovan and The Countess, we’re mostly scared for him.
Played By: Kathy Bates
Who She Is: Donovan’s mother who works at the hotel in order to keep a close eye on her estranged son.
How Scared We Are of Her: Terrified – Hell hath no fury like an overprotective mother.
MR. JAMES MARCH
Played By: Evan Peters
Who He Is: The dark, murderous founder of the Hotel Cortez, who built the building in the 1930s to cater to his mysterious deeds.
How Scared We Are of Him: He’s pretty much got a starring role in all of our nightmares.
Played By: Wes Bentley
Who He Is: An LAPD detective who moves into the Hotel in order to investigate a series of murders committed by the Ten Commandments Killer, and finds himself in over his head.
How Scared We Are of Him: Not too scared … yet.
Played By: Chloë Sevigny
Who She Is: A pediatrician, wife to Det. John Lowe and mother to Scarlett Lowe who is reeling from a tragedy when her family moves into the Hotel.
How Scared We Are of Her: Not very.
Played By: Angela Bassett
Who She Is: A movie star who used to be in a relationship with The Countess, and is now bent on enacting revenge on the woman who scorned her.
How Scared We Are of Her: Torn between absolute horror and deep admiration.
Played By: Cheyenne Jackson
Who He Is: A fashion designer who comes to the Hotel Cortez with his young son in search of inspiration – and even ends up taking a tour of season 1’s Murder House.
How Scared We Are of Him: Suspicious, but not scared.
Played By: Sarah Paulson
Who She Is: A junkie who lives at the Hotel and will do whatever it takes to get what she wants, no matter the cost.
How Scared We Are of Her: Let’s just say we wouldn’t want to meet her in a dark alley.
Played By: Max Greenfield
Who He Is: A Hollywood junkie who moves into the Hotel Cortez.
How Scared We Are of Him: How could we ever possibly be afraid of Schmidt?
Played By: Denis O’Hare
Who She Is: A cross-dressing hotel employee who channels the legendary actress.
How Scared We Are of Her: We’re mostly in awe of her wardrobe, if we’re being honest.