"I'd love to see her in the Hamptons stealing Ramona's flowers," the New York City star says
Credit: Joe Pugliese/Bravo

“I’m not much of a drinker, but when I drink, I feel good?” Thank you, Elsa. Such a great line to kick off a Real Housewives discussion.

According to Adriana, Lea can crush a person in a minute. Is that metaphorical, or does she draw her victims into the spider web of her blouse and devour them? Either way, I’m interested to see whether Lea will get Cristy to pay for the gala tickets … and I loved her glasses. So, as one who has been to multiple charity events on camera, here’s what I’ve learned: When you film a charity gala, you need to be very clear with your cast members about what is expected. Either you are invited by the host as a guest, or you pay your money. You don’t stop by with friends, unannounced, for more camera time unless you’re intentionally trying to cause trouble. And if that’s what Cristy was trying to do, she should have owned it.

How many times in this series is Adriana going to be late? Late to pick up her son last week, 90 minutes late to lunch, two hours late to the gallery opening. When she puts events in her calendar, are they in the same time zone? The ladies laugh that she’s on Brazilian time, but Rio is two hours ahead of Miami so that’s no excuse. When she was driving to get her nails done, I wondered where the cop was to write her a ticket for talking on her cell phone while driving. And running red lights. And the art police needed to pick her up for being missing in action at work on the day of her opening.

Lest I be too hard on Adriana, what was going on with Marco the artist? I’m going to take a guess. Our friend Google confirms that she and an “artist friend” worked on a commission for the Royal Family in Monaco – probably Marco since it was mentioned on camera as well. Normally when a commission is ordered, everyone gets paid. Wanting to do something spectacular for the show and give Marco some publicity, Adriana might have asked him to create these 30-plus portraits of Miami VIPs on spec.

What was his motivation to get this done on time? He didn’t do it – maybe he couldn’t do it, didn’t want to do it, who knows? Maybe they argued about how many pieces really needed to be created. Maybe Adriana set a deadline by which the work needed to be complete, and when that deadline passed, organized the backup artist. If he flew in from Paris, she didn’t call him up half an hour beforehand to put on the show. However the drama happened, it got ugly that night. But as Lea said, that might draw publicity to the gallery. Did you notice the work behind Adriana’s head in her house? Looked like the backup artist’s.

My favorite part of the Miami episode had to be Elsa. I’m not sure how I feel about the series in general, but I could watch a whole hour of Elsa. She’s a witch, she’s hungover and she looks great in that big shiny satiny thing. I want her on New York. I’d love to see her in the Hamptons stealing Ramona and Mario’s flowers, and forbidding Kelly from washing her hands. When she told Phillippe that there’s nothing better than a macho man dressed like a girl, I wondered what she’d make of my husband’s wardrobe. Marysol giggled at Mama and shook her head, and that was that.

What else? Larsa bought her little brother a car; Alexia was horrified at her son for something involving a girl; and Cristy said “like” too many times. Next!!

P.S. We heard today that The Real Housewives of New York City is returning to Bravo on April 7!

For more about Real Housewives, visit Bravotv.com. For more on Alex, including her book, Little Kids, Big City, visit her Web site or follow her on Twitter

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