April 24, 2017 08:24 PM

Abby Lee Miller has opted to remove 80 percent of her stomach through gastric sleeve surgery, a decision she made now that she is not starring on Dance Moms.

The 50-year-old told Entertainment Tonight‘s Cameron Mathison that she is still feeling some bitterness toward Dance Moms producers, who she claims were partially responsible for “keeping” her overweight.

“If I was trying to be vegan, [they would] hand me a hoagie sandwich or Italian sub from somewhere,” she said. “I’m like, ‘What is this, lunch meat? I can’t eat this!'”

The former Dance Moms star said she is trying to get into better shape before her court date in May.

“I hate what I look like on TV and I want to look better and nothing makes the mothers more jealous,” she said. “There’s your motivation. Payback’s a b—-.”

Wiping away tears from her eyes before entering the operating room for the surgery, the reality star expressed her fears and concerns.

“There’s nobody freaking out if something happens to me,” Miller tearfully said in the interview, which will air Monday.

In a clip, Miller can be seen wearing a hospital gown and cap and laying down on the table as the medical team prepares for the surgery.

“I’m scared. I’m nervous,” Miller admits.

In March, the dance instructor announced her resignation from the reality series in an Instagram post, accusing officials behind the popular Lifetime show of treating her “like dirt” after she wrapped filming for season 7B.

Speaking with PEOPLE after her exit, Miller said that her departure “was a long time coming for me,” and said “Nobody knew. I was just so irate.”

Although Miller claimed she hasn’t heard from the network since quitting — “No silver watch was sent to me overnight,” she said — she is open to returning to the show — but only if things change.

“Never say never,” Miller admitted about the possibility of going back. “It just sickens me when people get creative credit with our ideas.”

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