Nick Cordero died on Sunday from coronavirus complications at the age of 41

By Gabrielle Chung
July 10, 2020 08:30 PM
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Amanda Kloots, Nick Cordero
amanda kloots/instagram. Inset: getty

Amanda Kloots is opening up about her grief in the wake of her husband Nick Cordero's death.

In a tearful video shared on her Instagram Stories Thursday night, Kloots got candid about mourning the Broadway star — who died on Sunday from coronavirus complications — while taking care of their 13-month-old son, Elvis Eduardo.

The fitness instructor first shared a letter she wrote to her child as a way to explain how Cordero died, in which parts of it read: "I miss him so much. I miss his voice, hugs, kisses, smile, silliness. I wish quarantine would have been the three of us together every day. We must look for the silver linings in life, son."

Kloots went on to reflect back on her husband's months-long battle with COVID-19, saying in a video, "You know, it's so funny because grief is such a weird thing. I've talked about everything else about this process, so it feels oddly wrong not to acknowledge about grief."

Amanda Kloots' letter
amanda kloots/instagram

"When you're grieving and you're going through something like this, and you go through your day, you feel almost sometimes like 'Am I allowing myself to grieve? Am I allowing myself to acknowledge what's happened and ... what these last three months of my life has been?'" she continued. "I just start to question myself about everything that I'm experiencing right now."

Explaining that she's "dealing with so much" at the moment, Kloots admitted that her grief doesn't usually hit her until the end of the day.

"'Am I also acknowledging everything that has happened and acknowledging my sadness?' It oftentimes doesn't hit me until night when I'm going to sleep," she said. "I don't think there is a right answer to grief or how someone grieves."

"It's tough for sure, even for somebody like me who's type A and wants to keep pressing on," she continued, explaining that work "helps" to get her through the day. "It's so hard. And when it does hit you, it's so hard. But I know it's going to get easier every day."

Amanda Kloots and Nick Cordero with son Elvis Eduardo
Noam Galai/Getty

The mom of one added that she recently had a "wonderful phone conversation" with Cordero's doctor, calling the experience "kind of a beautiful closure."

"I just wanted to share because grief is important to talk about, especially at a time right now where a lot of people are suffering from loss from this virus," she concluded her video.

Cordero died on Sunday morning at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, where he had been hospitalized for over 90 days due to complications related to the novel COVID-19 virus.

During his 13-week hospitalization, the Tony-nominated star faced a series of unpredictable complications that led to septic shock, an amputated right leg and a temporary pacemaker.

RELATED VIDEO: Nick Cordero's Wife Amanda Kloots Tells PEOPLE: 'Words Can't Describe How Much I Will Miss Him'

"My husband was a very special man," Kloots said in this week's PEOPLE cover story. "He was everyone’s friend. We taught each other things, challenging each other to grow. We loved to sing and dance wherever we were. Just looking at him doing the simplest things would bring a smile to my face."

She added, "As a husband, I don’t think a day went by that he didn’t say to me, ‘I’m the luckiest.’ Words can’t describe how much I will miss him, his presence, his voice. I’m heartbroken."

In support of Cordero's family, a GoFundMe page was created to raise funds for his medical bills.

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