• “We didn’t let any of the tabloid press in. You’re safe. No paparazzi here.”
– Jennifer Lopez, on what she would like to hear God say at the pearly gates
• “I’m burning all the clothes I’m wearing to this trial as soon as it’s over. The karma is all wrong. I’ll never wear them again.”
– Sandra Bullock, who’s been in court battling an Austin real-estate developer over her “dream house”
• “If you ever want to rob someone in Texas, go at 8 p.m. on Friday night, because everybody’s at the football stadium.”
– Jamie Foxx, who played quarterback for his high school team in Terrell, Texas, at the recent New Yorker Festival
• “I used to have a show. Everyone loved me. Then I got the crazy lesbian haircut and (people said), ‘Watch out for Rosie, the crazy lesbian. Is her hair grown out? Can we give her the award?’ “
– Rosie O’Donnell, after receiving a family civil-rights honor at the recent Human Rights Campaign dinner in Washington, D.C.
• “I said, ‘Do you know how much money I save with this haircut?’ And he says, ‘Do you know how much money I made with this haircut?’ “
– The Apprentice 2 reject Bradford Cohen, recalling how he compared his balding dome with Donald Trump’s comb-over
• “It’s ironic that Republicans have no problem with allowing assault weapons out on our streets, yet they don’t want to put clean underwear in the hands of our slacker youth.”
– Michael Moore, after the Michigan GOP requested that the Fahrenheit 9/11 filmmaker be prosecuted for offering underwear and food to students in exchange for their promise to vote
• “I would never go to a gym. It’s boring.”
– Model Gisele Bundchen, who says she stays fit by running between airport terminals while traveling
• “I’m not going to let people forget me. I’m going to be on cereal boxes, milk cartons and ice-cream trucks.”
– Fantasia Barrino, winner of the third season of American Idol, promising fans she’ll stick around after wrapping up her world tour