October 05, 2004 12:00 PM

• “We didn’t let any of the tabloid press in. You’re safe. No paparazzi here.”
Jennifer Lopez, on what she would like to hear God say at the pearly gates

• “I’m burning all the clothes I’m wearing to this trial as soon as it’s over. The karma is all wrong. I’ll never wear them again.”
Sandra Bullock, who’s been in court battling an Austin real-estate developer over her “dream house”

• “If you ever want to rob someone in Texas, go at 8 p.m. on Friday night, because everybody’s at the football stadium.”
Jamie Foxx, who played quarterback for his high school team in Terrell, Texas, at the recent New Yorker Festival

• “I used to have a show. Everyone loved me. Then I got the crazy lesbian haircut and (people said), ‘Watch out for Rosie, the crazy lesbian. Is her hair grown out? Can we give her the award?’ “
Rosie O’Donnell, after receiving a family civil-rights honor at the recent Human Rights Campaign dinner in Washington, D.C.

• “I said, ‘Do you know how much money I save with this haircut?’ And he says, ‘Do you know how much money I made with this haircut?’ “
The Apprentice 2 reject Bradford Cohen, recalling how he compared his balding dome with Donald Trump’s comb-over

• “It’s ironic that Republicans have no problem with allowing assault weapons out on our streets, yet they don’t want to put clean underwear in the hands of our slacker youth.”
Michael Moore, after the Michigan GOP requested that the Fahrenheit 9/11 filmmaker be prosecuted for offering underwear and food to students in exchange for their promise to vote

• “I would never go to a gym. It’s boring.”
– Model Gisele Bundchen, who says she stays fit by running between airport terminals while traveling

• “I’m not going to let people forget me. I’m going to be on cereal boxes, milk cartons and ice-cream trucks.”
Fantasia Barrino, winner of the third season of American Idol, promising fans she’ll stick around after wrapping up her world tour

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