November 29, 2005 06:00 AM

• “If there are any problems and you do get up here and go on too long, then (say) ‘hello’ to my little friend.”
Russell Crowe, brandishing a phone onstage while hosting an Australian awards show

• “This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other.”
Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, in a joint statement announcing their split

• “It is better to have a brief engagement than a short marriage.”
Kimberly Stewart and Talan Torriero, in a joint statement announcing the end of their two-week engagement

• “I see a little baby.”
Tom Cruise, on what he sees when he looks at the images from the sonogram machine he bought fiancée Katie Holmes, to Barbara Walters

• “I’ve tried to maintain an uneasy balance between your friendly, unassuming neighborhood pharmacist and Anthony Perkins in Psycho.
Roger Bart, on playing Desperate Housewives’ creepy medicine man George, to the Associated Press

• “I really had my moments with the ugly gene.”
Jessica Alba, on her awkward adolescence, to Entertainment Weekly

[IMAGE “1” “right” “std” ]• “Buy her a drink. Talk to her about whatever it is that she wants to talk about. As long as you keep her laughing, you got it.”
Usher, on what he’s learned about women, to PEOPLE

• “Obviously, he irritates me on a significant basis, as everyone’s significant other does.”
Madonna, on husband Guy Ritchie, to Rolling Stone

• “I believe it’s the most money made by a teenage boy without suing Michael Jackson.”
David Letterman, on Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’s $100-million opening weekend

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