August 03, 2004 06:00 AM

• “When I saw it, I started crying. Isn’t that insane? Just to have an album in stores. It’s the coolest.”
Ashlee Simpson, on receiving her platinum-record plaque for her No. 1 album Autobiography

• “I just find it offensive. Forget the Mob stuff, it’s the way the women walk around cracking gum and talking about trivial nonsense. Italian women are stunning and cultured.”
Victoria Gotti, whose Growing Up Gotti reality show debuted this week, on the HBO hit series The Sopranos

• “The four major networks opted out of convention coverage, instead offering their own bright visions of America’s future … an America where your wife goes and lives with another family for a week and they tape it. It’s about values, people.”
Jon Stewart, on FOX’s newest reality series Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy and ABC’s planned Wife Swap

• “My wife is an excellent driver, and she’s not guilty of any crime. You don’t have to grab my wife and put handcuffs on her. Her wrists are all bruised up.”
Russell Simmons, defending Kimora Lee Simmons after she was arrested on drug and reckless driving charges

• “I know so many kids my age who can’t have any relationship at all … because we misunderstand the idea of love. That’s what this movie’s about. It’s not about two guys going at it.”
Jake Gyllenhaal, on playing Heath Ledger’s lover in the upcoming Brokeback Mountain

• “Yeah, I have to stop drinking. It’s fun. This is funny. I mean, it’s not funny at all, it’s profound. It’s deep. But I want, you know, to see if I can do it. I think I can do it. Can you do it? Can we all do it?”
Courtney Love, after being sentenced to mandatory drug rehab

• “(Being a child actor) was the one thing that would never have been allowed in my family. I was allowed to act in school plays as long as my grades were at a certain level. But professionally? No way!”
The Village’s Bryce Dallas Howard, whose father is director (and former child actor) Ron Howard (a.k.a. Happy Days’ Richie Cunningham)

• “John Kerry is the ultimate dad. His paternal reach goes far beyond his own progeny. He is very Korean in that respect.”
Margaret Cho, who followed the Democratic National Convention on her blog

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