December 26, 2006 06:00 AM

• “I meet so many people. I don’t even know some of my friends’ names.”
Paris Hilton

• “I took this job because it said Snakes on a Plane. I didn’t have to read the script. You got a plane full of snakes. That’s all I needed to know!”
Samuel L. Jackson

• “I think it’s time for Kid Rock to drop the ‘Kid.’ He’s getting older; he should change his name to Soft Rock. Or Smooth Jazz.”
Craig Ferguson

• “Instead of sneaking in, if you want to be a U.S. citizen, do it the right way. Have Angelina Jolie adopt you.”
Jimmy Kimmel

• “A lot of the time, we don’t have the medical terminology, so we just say, ‘Medical, medical, bulls–, bulls–, your line.’ You can say anything with a mask on.”
Patrick Dempsey

• “Saddam Hussein called his trial ‘a comedy.’ After hearing this, NBC called Saddam and asked, ‘What are you doing Thursday nights?'”
Conan O’Brien

• “I don’t know if I do anything to annoy Justin. Nothing. I’m perfect. That’s probably what drives him crazy.”
Cameron Diaz, on her boyfriend Justin Timberlake

• “I actually got amazing-ass test scores on it. Not that it’s the hardest thing in the world. But especially the math. I got pretty high test scores for the state of California.”
Kevin Federline on taking the GED

• “It’s costing $4 billion a week, the war in Iraq. That’s slightly less than Paul McCartney’s divorce.”
David Letterman

• “I understand why people think we’re gay. There isn’t a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. … How can you be this close without it being sexual?”
Oprah, on her friendship with Gayle King

• “You know, I love this time of year because you see the leaves change from green to brown, the states change from red to blue.”
Jay Leno

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