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Who Said It: Selina Meyer or Elaine Benes?

Who Said It: Selina Meyer or Elaine Benes?

Golden Globe nominee Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s two most quotable characters, Veep’s Selina and Seinfeld’s Elaine, have the best one-liners – but who said what?

By Brooke Showell

Updated August 26, 2015 12:16 AM

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Credit: Jeff Vespa/WireImage

"Wish I could break his spine. But I can’t! ‘Cause it’s made of Jell-O."

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VEEP'S SELINA MEYER

Credit: Lacey Terrell/HBO/AP

She’s always scheming, and the self-centered vice president is tired of playing second fiddle to the flip-flopping POTUS. If you think this Meyer meltdown sounds aggressive, you haven’t heard the beginnings of her potty mouth. Her delivery of such artful foul language is just one of the reasons is nominated for a Golden Globe again this year.

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Credit: Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage

"I can’t. I don’t have it. I don’t have a square to spare. I can’t spare a square."

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SEINFELD'S ELAINE BENES

Louis-Dreyfus won a Golden Globe for playing Jerry’s neurotic ex in 1994, the same year as this epic bathroom stall showdown. Twenty years later, we’re pretty sure Elaine is still hoarding toilet paper in a public restroom somewhere.

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Credit: Frazer Harrison/Getty

"I just want to eat in a quiet corner away from these bozos, okay?"

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SELINA

Credit: Bill Gray/HBO

Smile, shake hands, awkward small talk, repeat. On the list of the queen of insults’ dislikes? Fellow politicians, “real” people and donors, especially when they’re all in the same room.

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Credit: Ethan Miller/Getty

"All right, all right, look, I don’t have grace, I don’t want grace, I don’t even say grace, okay?"

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ELAINE

In another publishing job interview gone wrong, Benes doesn’t quite live up to the legacy of Jackie Onassis at Doubleday. Her consolation prize: a personal assistant gig.

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Credit: Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic

"I couldn’t raise a kid? C’mon, I love bossing people around."

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ELAINE

Like her counterpart Selina, Ms. Benes is a natural-born leader. Unfortunately, she’s not a very good babysitter.

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Credit: Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic

"He’s trying to screw me. I’m gonna go stab him."

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SELINA

Credit: Bill Gray/HBO

In Washington, something always backfires, but Meyer won’t let another gaffe go unpunished, this time directing her wrath toward political pundit Kent. Joe Biden would never be this violent.

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Credit: Larry Busacca/Getty

"If you want to get some cardio exercise you have to have a heart."

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SELINA

Credit: Lacey Terrell/HBO

Such sage advice should be embroidered on a pillow. This quote must come from the veep’s book, Some New Beginnings

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Credit: Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic

"Thank God I took off my heels, and put on my Himalayan walking shoes!"

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ELAINE

The cynical copywriter gets a moment of inspiration for the J. Peterman catalog on the streets of New York City. (Though a comfy pair of flats would also serve the vice president well.)

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Credit: Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic

"Oh my God, I’d kiss you right now but I’m never gonna do that."

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SELINA

Credit: Bill Gray/HBO

There’s never much love lost between the politically incorrect powerhouse and her lackeys.

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Credit: Paul Drinkwater/NBC/Getty

"I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things."

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ELAINE

Remember shrinkage? As the token female in a group of extra-anxious men, Benes was privy to plenty of TMI, including what happens when guys swim in cold water.

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Who Said It: Selina Meyer or Elaine Benes?

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VEEP'S SELINA MEYER

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SEINFELD'S ELAINE BENES

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SELINA

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ELAINE

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ELAINE

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SELINA

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ELAINE

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SELINA

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ELAINE

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