An editor on the People Style team contoured, corseted, and Snapchatted herself into becoming one of the KarJenner ladies for a day
What Is It: I tried my best to keep up with the Kardashians for a day and live my life like it’s worthy of its own 13-season reality TV show.
Who Tried It: Emily Kirkpatrick, Associate Style News Editor and chronicler of the KarJenner’s daily fashion exploits. In other words, I know an unhealthy amount about these women’s lives.
Why I Did It: First of all, I took on this project because no one else would. And because I have a low-key obsession with this family.
Actually, considering I wrote a magnum opus dubbing them the greatest accidental feminists of our generation, it’s probably safe to say my fascination has now actually reached the highest possible of keys. But this obsession also stems from the fact that their lives could not be more polar opposite from my own. The obvious trappings of fame and wealth aside, I’m a girl who can barely convince herself to put on some blush and mascara in the morning, and if I wash my pastel pink hair at least once every four weeks I consider that to be a momentous success. I’m also 6′ tall, so wearing heels, let alone walking in them, is pretty much one big, cruel joke. And if that wasn’t enough, I also happen to think that taking a selfie in public is one of the most embarrassing things a person can do, an embarrassment I quickly had to overcome for this project.
Level of Difficulty: 8/10. It’s not rocket science, but it’s also not not rocket science. Even with the momentous burden of hair and makeup being taken off my shoulders thanks to a team of professionals, I was really surprised how exhausting a day of walking around in heels, changing twenty times, giving presentations about myself, and Snapchatting my every waking moment could be. I truly wish I was being facetious about how overwhelming I found all of these tasks, but I dare you to try it out for yourself and not feel even slightly frazzled by the many random responsibilities. And I can’t even imagine how stressed out I would feel if there was an actual troop of paparazzo following me around, taking photos from every possible unflattering angle, and publishing them across the internet so that my every choice could then be dissected by the hordes of trolls out there lying in wait.
Kemily wears her own vintage Jimi Hendrix t-shirt
The Process: I pretty much blocked out this entire day the moment I was finished with it, but here’s what I do remember. It all started with a visit to the glam squad, as every great KarJenner day does. I learned so much about hair and makeup from the stylists that I will probably never use again but still deeply appreciate knowing, even if by mid-day I had the revelation that only celebrities with their razor-sharp cheekbones should be allowed to part their hair straight down the middle. I also appreciate the GlamSquad for dubbing me with my marquee-worthy moniker for the day: Kemily Kardashian.
From there, I, I mean Kemily, squeezed into my first bodysuit and double denim ensemble, feeling very Kim K in a pair of lucite boots that my clammy feet quickly made opaque with sweat causing me to wonder how these ladies manage to wear their plastic Yeezy heels day-in and day-out and keep them so pristinely clear. While I’ve maybe Snapchatted once or twice in my life, I quickly got the hang of the app and spent most of the day predominately confused about what was actually interesting enough that I should be Snapchatting it, raising that age-old existential question: What is content and how does one go about creating it? I decided to follow Kylie’s pioneering lead and mostly just film myself looking around bored or slowly panning the camera up and down my outfit. Also, I would love if someone more social media savvy than I could explain to me why the supermodel filter isn’t just the default setting on Snapchat. Like in what situation would I not want to look just a little bit better than I naturally do?
Kemily wears Carlos by Carlos Santana velvet thigh-high boots
Anyway, from there I gave the first professional presentation of my career. At this juncture it seems important to remind readers that I write for the Internet as a career, so the majority of my work life takes place exclusively over email and in the digital realm. That being said, I think I was born to present. Or at least, Kemily was born to present. After all, what’s the point of spending all that time on your hair, makeup, and wardrobe if you’re not going to gather up your co-workers in a room and force them to closely observe you from every angle for roughly 20 minutes. Besides Em-oji is a great idea, even if I’m still waiting for the higher-ups at Time Inc. to contact me about this guaranteed money-making opportunity.
For the rest of the day, I changed into even more lewks inspired by things that the KarJenner ladies actually wore in real life and participated in various activities that they’re known to love. Such as crafting my own very sexy merchandise emblazoned with my own face, eating a diet-conscious salad, posing for a mini polaroid photo shoot with my assistant, and getting by Khlo-C-D on with a box of Oreos and a glass container.
Of all of the weird things I did that day, however, possibly the strangest was posting nine photos of myself in a row. In fact, it was so out of character I got endless texts from my friends throughout the day which ranged from just hysterical laughter to genuine concern about my mental well-being. And only later, while talking to my sister, did I find out that my mother (knowing nothing about the We Tried It I was currently embroiled in) actually took her aside to interrogate her about what was happening to me and why I was having this seemingly overnight total mental break with the person she had known me to be over the past 28 years.
Kemily wears Yeezy sneakers, naturally
Verdict: It seems highly doubtful that I will ever do any of this again, but I was surprisingly into my many looks for the day and, as silly as it sounds, endlessly taking photos of myself actually taught me a lot about my angles and will undoubtedly up my selfie-game moving forward. I’m also someone who’s slightly self-conscious about my body, at least when it’s strapped into various spandex ensembles with an absurd amount of sheer panels and cutouts, but by the end of the day, I surprisingly started to find the skintight fashions to be rather cozy. It was like wearing one of those anxiety jackets they put dogs in. Suddenly wearing corsetry every day started to make perfect sense to me. Also, my Khloé Kardashian-inspired salad was delicious, if I do say so myself, though I do not understand her obsession with the irrationally mundane task of stacking Oreos.
TL;DR: I will probably never successfully integrate myself into their family full-time, but if they’re ever looking for a TV show stand-in or temporary sixth sister, I’d happily bring my Kemily Kardashian persona out of retirement for one final go-round.
What do you think, did Kemily successfully pull off becoming a Kardashian? What did I miss? What aspect of the KarJenner’s lives would you like to incorporate into your own life? Sound off below!