October 26, 2012 07:00 PM

Splash News Online

We all know Tabatha Coffey, Bravo’s sharp-tongued Aussie style pro, from her stint on Shear Genius and her latest hit, Tabatha Takes Over. And now, she’s bringing her talents online, joining us at PEOPLE StyleWatch once weekly to dish on some of the best — and worst — celebrity looks of the week. Keep in mind the opinions below belong solely to the stylist … though she’s probably saying what lots of you are thinking, anyway!

Today, she discusses Heidi Montag (yes, we know), who wore an interesting leather ensemble to emcee an event at the Crazy Horse III Gentlemen’s Club in Las Vegas over the weekend:

Let’s see, how can I describe Heidi Montag’s Halloween costume? Wait, what? That’s not a costume? Are you kidding me?! She wore that to emcee an anniversary party at Crazy Horse III in Las Vegas? Is this some kind of cruel joke?

First and foremost, why in the world was she emceeing Crazy Horse III’s anniversary party? Last time I checked she wasn’t a member of the adult film industry or an “exotic dancer,” so why in the hell is she at a gentlemen’s club event? This makes absolutely no sense to me on a promotions level. I could ask a dozen questions and get no legitimate answer so I’ll just stop asking. How about I lend some advice?

Heidi, I know you need the money. I saw your Access Hollywood interview last week where you said you’ve spent more than $1 million on stuff like “clothes, hair and makeup.” I get it, you’re broke.

But that doesn’t mean you have to take any job that gets handed to you. Work on creating a positive image for yourself in the media. If you want to make it another day in the spotlight then you’re going to need to give the general public a reason to watch you be a success and not just another train wreck. The “crazy train” doesn’t have any tickets available and it’s already left the station.

As far as your hair goes, those extensions are far too long and they are weighing you down. Schedule an appointment with your stylist immediately and get some length removed. And while you’re at it, warm that blonde up a bit. It will flatter your complexion. When you’re done with all that, please tell your makeup artist I think he or she did a great job on your look for the evening. That’s the only thing you’ve got working for you in this pic.

Next, do us all a favor and burn that outfit. I’m sure you have some hair product sitting around you can use as an accelerant. And lastly, if you’re really that desperate for money, then go get a job at Umami Burger at The Grove. I think I saw a “Help Wanted” sign on the window last week.

Tell us: Do you agree with Tabatha? Or is her criticism too much? Tell us how you’d change Heidi’s look in the comments below!

–Tabatha Coffey 


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