June 17, 2013 02:32 PM

Neil Rasmus/BFAnyc/Sipa

We all know Tabatha Coffey, Bravo’s sharp-tongued Aussie style pro, from her stint on Shear Genius and her latest hit, Tabatha Takes Over. And now, she’s bringing her talents online, joining us at PEOPLE StyleWatch once weekly to dish on some of the best – and worst – celebrity looks of the week. Keep in mind the opinions below belong solely to the stylist … though she’s probably saying what lots of you are thinking, anyway!

Today, she takes on Katie Holmes, who was going for “breezy and effortless” at a summer bash — though Tabatha doesn’t think she achieved it.

Hey Katie, the invitation to Coach’s party at High Line said it was a “summer party,” not a “toga party.”

Seriously folks, what the hell is she wearing? It looks like she swiped some white table bunting from a banquet hall and got dressed in a taxi cab. Strike that. Actually, Katie looks like she is wearing her first assignment from the “Sewing for Beginners” class she took at Francine’s Craft World.

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I am picturing it now: She grabs the first bolt of white fabric she can get her hands on, gets a few yards cut and snips out her pattern. Accidently she falls asleep during the section where the instructor explains how to sew a waistline. Suddenly Katie wakes up and realizes she is late to the Coach Summer Party without a thing to wear. What’s a girl to do but where what’s on hand. She then changes in the public bathroom, buckles up her gladiators and heads off to the High Line [park]. ARGH!

Maybe the bathroom didn’t have a mirror in it. Maybe she had her eyes dilated earlier in the day and her vision was completely off. Whatever the case may be, I hope this dress got burned. Who knows, may its being used as a drop cloth underneath an easel at an “Oil Painting for Beginners” class at Francine’s Craft World. Fingers crossed.

–Tabatha Coffey

Do you agree with Tabatha? Tell us how you feel in the comments below! 

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