The star's perfectly inoffensive dress has the unintended consequence of putting passersby to sleep

By Alex Apatoff
Updated February 14, 2013 11:00 PM
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Rene Macura/Invision/AP

Where: At the American Society of Cinematographers awards in L.A.

Diagnosis: On first glance, patient appears to be perfectly normalZzzzzzz — sorry, what were we saying? Oh right, despite her inoffensive appearance, patient continues to inspire spontaneous narcolepsy in passersby. We believe she’s suffering from a case of extreme wardrobe lameness with possible amnesia about her age (37), due to the fact that she dresses much older.

Prescription: Though this is not an urgent case (she still looks beautiful, after all) it is a recurring issue: we can’t remember the last time we saw the star in a non-neutral. Hypnotism therapy is required to convince the actress that boring is not better, and that she can still be taken seriously in a bright dress. By slowly introducing color, flattering fabrics and fun shoes into her life, we believe she can be completely cured within the year.

Tell us: How would you cure Angelina Jolie’s underwhelming outfit?

–Alex Apatoff