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October 10, 2018 08:00 AM

Paulina Porizkova, 53, is speaking out about getting older and she’s not holding back.

“It’s a full-time job — there’s a lot of maintenance required,” the supermodel and actress reveals in her Fall-Winter NewBeauty cover story. 

She adds, “It sucks. When your entire life has consisted of looking good, aging publicly, in a word, sucks. This is not for the faint-hearted.”

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Porizkova explains that it’s challenging to find a balance between looking like the most beautiful version of herself without “fixing” too much and not looking the same.

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“You’re not quite sure what age you look, or you let yourself age and then you have to battle with your ego: ‘OK, nobody’s looking at me. People are making fun of what I look like now.’ Or, ‘Hey, look at this beautiful woman who turned into this hideous old thing,'” she says. “It makes me feel like I’m in between two worlds because I do want to be pretty and I don’t want to look old, and at the same time, I would like to be seen as pretty for who I am and not for fixing what looks old. I’m really insecure about it.”

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The star says she hasn’t tried fillers or Botox (she has done Ultherapy,a non-invasive procedure that lifts and tightens skin several times) because she “doesn’t like when people’s faces don’t move,” but wishes that models who do utilize cosmetic treatments were more honest about it.

“I really love it when women admit to doing them! I hate, personally, is when somebody has obviously had things done but they claim the reason they look so good is yoga and water. I get a little resentful. I think, ‘You’re lying.’ That’s not fair because, as models, we represent an idea of femininity, and if you are lying about it, then the girls who look up to you are being lied to,” Porizkova explains. 

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Sometimes she says, when she looks around and sees her friends with different careers that don’t look at aging as “not that big a deal,” she feels envious. “It’s not going to war every day as it is for me,” Porizkova says. 

Ultimately, the model wants to let go of the idea that her beauty is the only thing that defines her.

“I don’t want to have to go to war with my looks. And I don’t want to start trying to look 20 years younger. My life has been all about beauty. I always had to be something very specific on the outside and maintain that because of my livelihood,” Porizkova says. “I’m constantly battling with myself internally saying, ‘Come on, beauty is not that important! Let go of being so vain and focus more on the things you can do!’”

And her changing appearance isn’t the only thing she’s has to come to terms with. The model also opened up about her divorce from musician Ric Ocasek after 28 years of marriage. “[Ric and I] have been separated for a long time, and our marriage has not been a marriage for a long time,” she shared. But the two maintain a friendly relationship. “We still love each other and we still live in the same house, and we’re still going to do that until the house sells and it’s fine.”

 

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