January 25, 2016 08:32 PM

Deciding what to wear on the first day of any momentous life occasion is always a challenge, whether it’s your first day at school, your first day at a new job, or a first date with your would-be soulmate. Turns out, it’s even a challenge for billionaire and new dad Mark Zuckerberg who woke up this morning baffled as to what to put on for his first day back post-paternity leave, despite the fact that he’s apparently the IRL version of the Nickelodeon cartoon Doug.

Mark Zuckerberg/Facebook

Zuckerberg’s closet is truly the stuff Seinfeld episodes are made of (not to mention 50 Shades of Grey jokes). In fact, if you spend too long thinking about it, his clothing conundrum transforms from a practical concern into a full blown existential crisis. Just consider the philosophical ramifications of selecting one matching grey shirt and sweatshirt set over another identical combo. Even if you could find a way to finally decide amongst this sea of drab jersey, how would you ever know you’d truly made the right choice? This isn’t just a seemingly benign question posed to his 48 million followers; it’s a mind-numbing logic puzzle that is only amplified by the fact that the Facebook founder has surely surrounded himself with legions of yes-men who will praise his apparel regardless of it’s actual merits or limitations.


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And this is only the beginning of a drove of other questions that are sure to keep you tossing and turning into the wee hours of these cold, winter nights. Does Zuckerberg moonlight as a tech superhero? Does the ruler of our social media universe quietly suffer from chromophobia (a fear of colors)? Or, as George Castanza once so wisely suggested, have we simply caught him on the cusp of a new wash cycle? But while the rest of the Internet will be stuck trying to answer these unknowable quandaries, they’ll fail to see the truly troubling aspect of this image: are all those T-shirt’s really deserving of being hung up, let alone with such a generous amount of closet space?

What do you think of Mark Zuckerberg’s closet? Do you like his grey cotton uniform? Could you wear the same thing everyday?

–Emily Kirkpatrick

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