Instagram v. Reality: Birthday Girl Jessica Simpson's Realest Instagram Pictures

Future's so bright, Jessica Simpson has to wear two pairs of sunglasses.

Simpson captioned the goofy photo, "Ummm I thought I purchased 2 different sunnies, but apparently it is just one pair." She added the perfect pun in the form of a hashtag: "#Opticalillusion."

"Housewife of the Year looks a little different these days 😜," Simpson joked on Instagram, spoofing her 2003 Rolling Stone cover. 

When you're a mom of three, you're always being pulled in a million directions. For Simpson, one of those directions is back into her car. 

"This is what Christmas season does to a mom 😜," Simpson joked, adding the hashtag  "#stuckinmyseatbelt" for added context. 

Simpson isn't afraid to show off her riches, a.k.a. a freezer full of breast milk. "I'm starting to think we should add breast milk to the Jessica Simpson Collection," the mom of three joked of her supply. 

...take a break.

Simpson stretched it out while working out  after giving birth to baby girl Birdie. "Just stretching it out in my rubber corset," she wrote on Instagram. "The joy of postpartum." 

Simpson joked on Instagram that she had broken her toilet seat while pregnant with Birdie in Feb. 2019. She joked, showing off her bathroom casualty, "Warning...Don't lean back on the toilet when pregnant 🤦🏼‍♀️"

"Tight squeeze but I'm pushin' through, a then-pregnant Simpson joked of trying to fit between two parked cars. 

Simpson showed off her majorly swollen ankles, calling for help on her Instagram...

...and showed off the remedy she chose: cupping. 

Some family portraits just don't go as you planned, like this one, where Simpson's husband Eric Johnson and daughter Maxi Drew are looking at the camera, but their son Ace Knute has other ideas. 

In honor of the Academy Awards, Simpson decided to try out a gold face mask and really embody an Oscar herself. 

Simpson always willing to share her beauty regimen, no matter how silly it looks. 

Ladies know the pain of shaving your legs only to realize you've missed a spot. Simpson's just not afraid to show it off for the world to see! 

Simpson gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "food porn" when she replaced her top half with a suggestive piece of fruit.