Entertainment Sports Vanessa Bryant on 'Nightmare' Deaths of Kobe and Daughter Gianna: 'I'm So Mad' Vanessa Bryant says she wants to remain strong for her three surviving daughters By Jason Hahn Jason Hahn Jason Hahn is a former Human Interest and Sports Reporter for PEOPLE. He started at PEOPLE's Los Angeles Bureau as a writer and reporter in 2017 and interviewed the likes of Kobe Bryant, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tom Brady. He has a B.A. in English from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master's degree in Journalism from Columbia University. He previously worked for Complex Magazine in New York City. People Editorial Guidelines Published on February 10, 2020 02:53 PM Share Tweet Pin Email Vanessa Bryant is opening up in an emotional post about her struggle to accept the deaths of both her husband, NBA legend Kobe Bryant, and their 13-year-old daughter, Gianna. In a post on her Instagram page Monday morning, Vanessa wrote she has been “reluctant” to write about her feelings, but wanted to do so to help others who are going through the loss of a loved one. “My brain refuses to accept that both Kobe and Gigi are gone,” the 37-year-old mother of four wrote. “I can’t process both at the same time. It’s like I’m trying to process Kobe being gone but my body refuses to accept my Gigi will never come back to me. It feels wrong.” “Why should I be able to wake up another day when my baby girl isn’t being able to have that opportunity?! I’m so mad,” she continued. “She had so much life to live. Then I realize I need to be strong and be here for my 3 daughters.” Vanessa Bryant Shares Video of Smiley 7-Month-Old Daughter Capri Kobe: ‘She Looks Just Like Gigi’ Gianna Bryant, Kobe Bryant. Ethan Miller/Getty Images Vanessa included a video from Slam magazine that showed basketball highlights from Gianna, a rising star at Mamba Sports Academy. The footage also featured Bryant, who coached the promising young team. “[I’m] mad I’m not with Kobe and Gigi but thankful I’m here with Natalia, Bianka and Capri,” she wrote of her surviving daughters, ages 17, 3 and 7 months. “I know what I’m feeling is normal. It’s part of the grieving process.” “I just wanted to share in case there’s anyone out there that’s experienced a loss like this,” Vanessa added. “God I wish they were here and this nightmare would be over. Praying for all of the victims of this horrible tragedy. Please continue to pray for all.” Vanessa Bryant Posts Artwork Showing Daughter Gianna Wearing Dad’s Jersey: ‘Warmed My Heart’ (From left) Natalia, Gianna, Kobe, Vanessa and Bianka Bryant. Kobe Bryant/Instagram On Saturday, Vanessa shared a heartwarming video of 7-month-old Capri Kobe, which showed the toddler starting to learn how to stand on her own. According to the Los Angeles Times, the city will hold a memorial service at Staples Center on Monday, Feb. 24 for Bryant and Gianna. The event will also honor the seven other victims of the Jan. 26 helicopter crash: John Altobelli, Keri Altobelli, Alyssa Altobelli, Sarah Chester, Payton Chester, Christina Mauser, and pilot Ara Zobayan. No other details surrounding the event have been announced. The date holds special significance for the Bryant family: Gianna wore jersey No. 2 at the Mamba Sports Academy, and Bryant wore No. 24 in the latter half of his career. If you would like to help the families of the victims of the crash, consider donating to the Mamba on Three Fund. Contributions to the Mamba Sports Foundation will help support youth sports.