People.com Entertainment Sports Alex Rodriguez Opens Up About Performance-Enhancement Drug Scandal Alex Rodriguez says taking performance-enhancing drugs cost him a lot — but the hardest part was telling his two daughters By Maria Pasquini Maria Pasquini Associate Editor, Human Interest - PEOPLE People Editorial Guidelines Published on October 14, 2017 02:32 PM Share Tweet Pin Email Alex Rodriguez says taking performance-enhancing drugs cost him a lot — but the hardest part of the scandal was telling his two daughters. In a preview of Wednesday’s episode of the Undeniable Show with Joe Buck Rodriguez, 42, talked about what life was like for him after he admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs in 2014. “This thing cost me over $40 million and it cost me my reputation and it may have cost me the hall of fame and a number of other things,” the former Yankees player said. “And I remember sitting there at night — at 4, 5 o’clock in the morning — I probably did this a hundred nights, and I would look up with tears and say, ‘How the f did I get myself in this position. I’m the only jackass that has pocket aces and figures out a way to lose the hand.” But he also admitted that the the “hardest part” was admitting to his two daughters — Ella Alexander, 9, and Natasha Alexander, 12 — that he made the mistake. Drew Hallowell/Getty Images At the time he told his then-wife Cynthia, “When I sit down with the girls, they’re gonna be listening to me but they’re gonna be looking at you. And chances are I’m not gonna make it past first base because I’m gonna probably start breaking down — and sure enough I almost didn’t get out of first plate.” “And doing that, admitting that to them and then having them embrace me and hug me and to a degree forgive me, as I look forward, Joe, I think about, you know, I never want to put myself in a position that I have to explain myself to my daughters ever again.” RELATED VIDEO: Alex Rodriguez Reveals He Gets Mistaken For Jennifer Lopez’s Security Team—& Calls Dating Her ‘Humbling’ Asked why he started using the drugs supplied by Biogenesis in the first place, Rodriguez replied that he had been having the worst year of his career. “I think I had 6 home runs.” “I mean I was awful, right? But after having 2 hip surgeries I just wanted to get back on the field and give the Yankees their money’s worth,” he said. “And I just needed to do anything — it was my responsibility to the fan base, to management, to ownership to get out there and play. And I was in too much pain. I couldn’t play,” he continued, adding that even when you add all those things together, “that doesn’t give you an excuse to break the rules. “There’s so many frustrating things when you look back at that,” he added. “I mean how stupid can you be?” Alex Rodriguez’s extended interview on Undeniable Show with Joe Buck will air on Wednesday.