People.com Royals Meghan Markle Says She Felt Suicidal and 'Just Didn't Want to Be Alive Anymore' in Oprah Interview "I was ashamed to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry," she told Oprah Winfrey By Stephanie Petit Stephanie Petit Stephanie Petit is a Royals Writer/Reporter at PEOPLE. She has been with the brand since 2016 after graduating from The College of New Jersey and holding previous positions at Seventeen, CBS Radio and more. Follow the proud dog mom on Twitter at @stephpetit_ for the latest on Queen Elizabeth's corgis. People Editorial Guidelines Published on March 7, 2021 09:28 PM Share Tweet Pin Email Meghan Markle says royal life took a staggering toll on her mental health. During her sit-down interview with Oprah Winfrey, the Duchess of Sussex revealed that she had thoughts of self-harm. "I was ashamed to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry. But I knew that if I didn't say it — then I would do it," she said. "I just didn't want to be alive anymore." For more on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's interview with Oprah, listen below to the episode of PEOPLE Every Day. She continued, "That was clear and real and frightening and constant thought." Meghan said she "thought it would have solved everything for everyone." Meghan Markle Addresses Rumors That She Made Kate Middleton Cry: 'The Reverse Happened' Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Dominic Lipinski/PA Images via Getty She recalled a January 2019 outing to see a performance at Royal Albert Hall after she had opened up to Prince Harry about her thoughts. "I remember him saying, 'I don't think you can go,' and I said, 'I can't be left alone.' " Meghan said she can see in photos from the night that Harry is tightly holding her hand despite their smiles. "We're both just trying to hold on," she said. Get the premiere issue of PEOPLE Royals for glamorous new photos and inside stories royals fans haven't seen or read elsewhere! Subscribe at peopleroyals.com/launch The Duchess of Sussex also said that every time the theater's lights went down, she was "weeping." "And that's I think so important for people to remember is you have no idea what's going on for someone behind closed doors. No idea," she said. "Even the people that smile and shine the brightest lights. You need to have compassion for what it actually potentially going on." Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Chris Jackson/Getty Can't get enough of PEOPLE's Royals coverage? Sign up for our free Royals newsletter to get the latest updates on Kate Middleton, Meghan Markle and more! Meghan said she was "ashamed" because she wanted to be strong and not put more pressure on Prince Harry. "That takes so much courage to admit that you need help," she said. If you or someone you know need mental health help, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.