Black Christmas
Credit: Black Christmas: Shane Harvey

The nutcase in Black Christmas eats eyeballs. He also chomps on snow-angel cookies made out of the flesh off his dead mom’s back. Yet Christmas is not an endurance-test torturama like Saw and its offspring. A remake of one of the first slasher movies ever, it’s old-school stupid instead — a return to horror roots that plays like ineptly filmed nostalgia, complete with hot sorority girls stuck inside a snowed-in house, a gratuitous shower scene, projectile but still restrained gore, and (here’s what really kills it) twice as many accidental laughs as scares.