SNL Women Beg Robert Mueller for a Report on Trump in 'All I Want for Christmas Is You' Parody
The cast members delivered a cheery political send-up of Mariah Carey's iconic seasonal ditty "All I Want for Christmas Is You"
The women of Saturday Night Live only have one wish this holiday season, and it’s a big request.
On Saturday’s episode, the show’s female cast members delivered a cheery political send-up of Mariah Carey‘s iconic seasonal ditty “All I Want for Christmas Is You” — asking special counsel Robert Mueller to finish his report on President Donald Trump by Dec. 25.
“We have so much to be thankful for,” Bryant said. “Friends, family.”
“And good things that money can’t buy,” McKinnon agreed.
“So this year…,” Strong said before launching into the first verse.
“I don’t want a lot for Christmas / There is just one thing I need / I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree,” the women began.
“I just want a simple thing / And the joy that it will bring / The report is finally due / Mueller, all I want for Christmas is you, you baby,” they continued.
The actors gave Mueller a timeline as a picture of the former FBI director in a Santa hat graced the stage above them. “This needs to be done by Christmas / I need a frickin’ ounce of cheer / I just really want my life back / Oh my God, it’s been two years,” they said.
Their demand got more specific as the singers turned their attention to Donald Trump Jr. “I don’t need a full impeachment / But we just need a little fun / Please just tell us we aren’t crazy / At least indict his oldest son,” they crooned.
The ladies noted that they are “sick of hearing breaking news and [Rudy] Giuliani‘s interviews.”
The song pulled in the unrelated 1996 death of JonBenét Ramsey. “We are sick of tiny nibbles / We need us a full entree / You better prove that Trump colluded / Or that he kidnapped Jon Benét,” the women said.
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“We won’t ask for much this Christmas, but at least throw us a bone / Tell us what the hell is happening, and who the f— is Roger Stone,” they continued. “We don’t need a long-ass doc, just a single page that shocks / Mueller, please come through ’cause our only option is a coup.”
If Mueller does not find evidence that Trump committed a crime, the comedians would settle for something else: “At least prove he’s super poor.”
Strong’s performance started to lose its rhythm as she sang about anxiety: “Mueller, won’t bring you us a sense of normalcy / Where everything doesn’t feel so completely upside down and out of control? / Because I can’t take any more anxiety medication! They won’t let me!”
“Girl, this song ain’t about that, baby,” Jones replied.
“I don’t need a lot for Christmas, just a perfect magic spell / To solve the whole world’s problems and put some white guy in a cell / I just want to sleep at night / Please make sure your case is tight,” the actors concluded. “And make our wish come true ’cause Mueller all we want for Christmas is you.”
“Unless the report has like zero new information ’cause then we would rather it never come out,” McKinnon interjected.
“Because it is our last straight-up hope, and I’ve already drunk all the wine,” Strong added.