The fake Robert Mueller declared that "getting elected president was the worst thing that ever happened to your dad" in the cold open
“Don, I’m scared,” he replied while huddling in a racecar bed in Trump Tower. “I think there’s a boogeyman in my closet.”
“Eric, there’s no boogeyman in your closet. Have you been watching the news again?” Day’s Don Jr. said. “You can’t watch that stuff, bud. It’s too grown-up.”
Moffat’s Eric said that news anchors predicted Don Jr. would be indicted. Day responded, “Don’t worry about that, pal. But hey, I am impressed that you know what indict means.”
“Indict: there’s no sugar in dict-Coke,” Moffat’s Eric said.
Day’s Don Jr. pulled out Twas the Night Before Christmas to read aloud — until a creaking sound interrupted the bedtime story.
“You hear that, Don? There’s something in my closet,” Moffat’s Eric insisted.
“That’s just the cheap steel Dad uses to build his towers,” Day’s Don Jr. assured him. “They just groan in the wind.”
He opened the closet door to prove his point — revealing De Niro’s Mueller making ominous eye contact with Moffat’s Eric. (Mueller is investigating potential collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia in the 2016 presidential election.)
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As Day’s Don Jr. left to take a phone call, the legendary Raging Bull actor, 75, settled in next to the bed. “Don’t be scared,” he told Moffat’s Eric. “It’s just me, Robert Mueller, your dad’s friend from work.”
“I’m not allowed to talk to you,” Moffat’s Eric said wearily.
“That’s fine, Eric. It was pretty clear early on that you don’t know anything,” De Niro’s Mueller quipped. “I wish I could say the same for some of your dad’s friends.”
“You might want to stay by calling him federal inmate 10358,” De Niro’s Mueller said of Cohen.
After De Niro’s Mueller assured Moffat’s Eric that “no one knows the full story yet” and America is “full of good people,” the fake Eric said, “Mr. Mueller, people say you’re the worst thing to ever happen to my dad.”
“No, Eric,” De Niro’s Mueller said, “getting elected president was the worst thing that ever happened to your dad.”