"I just wish people at home would give me a break, because I've been dealing with so much," she says in Ladies Who Punch

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ABC's "The View" - Season 20
Credit: Heidi Gutman/ABC

It is one thing to grieve the death of your father, one of your closest confidantes and mentors, after his grueling cancer diagnosis.

It is another thing to be the co-host of one of the most talked about talk shows in America.

And, if you’re Meghan McCain, it is quite another still to do both of these things at the same time.

“I often think that I must have been out of my f—— mind to do the most historically controversial show in all of television at a time when I was going through so much emotionally,” McCain, the 35-year-old conservative panelist on The View, says in a new epilogue for Ladies Who Punch, about the history of the ABC chat fest.

“I just wish people at home would give me a break, because I’ve been dealing with so much,” McCain says in the epilogue, which was added to the paperback version published on Tuesday.

Speaking with author and friend Ramin Setoodeh, she is candid about the challenges of recent years — not just the personal tragedy of dad John McCain‘s death from brain cancer but her job on The View, where (by design) she frequently fights with her co-hosts about politics and is written about in the gossip pages after rumors of off-screen bad blood.

Meghan McCain on The View
| Credit: Lou Rocco/ABC via Getty

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“It’s been a lot to deal with the drama of the show, the leaking in the press, and then my grief all at the same time,” Meghan tells Setoodeh. (She took a leave of absence after her dad died in August 2018.)

She admits in Ladies Who Punch that, yes, “there are times when I have wanted to completely give up and leave.”

She hasn’t yet, though.

“I just keep trying to remind myself that my dad really wanted me to be here and wanted me to do it,” Meghan says. “And I keep trying to remind myself of that anytime I feel like maybe this is no longer the right decision.”