One executive order on the docket was to change the nation's official language to "bulls—"

By Stephanie Petit
Updated February 01, 2017 10:31 AM
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Wearing a “super long tie” and a “dead animal on head,” Jon Stewart returned to late night television on Tuesday to rip into President Donald Trump and his executive orders during his first 11 days in office.

Reuniting with longtime pal Stephen Colbert, the former host of The Daily Show shared three executive orders that he joked Trump is getting ready to sign in the coming days.

First up, Stewart mocked Trump’s controversial proposal to construct a wall along the country’s southern border.

“I hereby direct that to secure our border, China shall immediately and without hesitation send us their wall,” the 54-year-old TV personality decreed. “Done. Boom!”

The next item on the docket was to change the nation’s official language to “bulls—.”

“I, Donald J. Trump, have instructed my staff to speak only in bulls—,” Stewart said. “And by the way, none of that ‘Sure, I’ll speak bulls— at work but at home I’m going to use facts and real information.’ No! Bulls— all the time. Immersion: It’s the only way to be fluent.”

Credit: Source: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert/Youtube

The final executive order was simple: “I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting.”

“It has been eleven days, Stephen,” Stewart continued, exasperated. “Eleven f—ing days. Eleven. The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public. The reason that I am exhausting is that every instinct and fiber of my pathological self-regard calls me to abuse of power.”

Stewart then turned a more serious note. In a sobering tone, he directly addressed his TV viewers.

“No one action will be adequate, all action will be necessary, and if we do not allow Donald Trump to exhaust our fight and somehow come out of this presidency calamity-less and constitutionally, partially intact, then I, Donald J. Trump, will have demonstrated the greatness of America, just not the way I thought I was going to,” Stewart concluded to thundering applause.