Queen Has Secret Lifelong Love of Labradors — Betraying All Corgis, Reason
We present you with a very scientific, highly analytic study comparing the merits of corgis and labs. Only one breed may reign supreme
Just as there can only be one queen of England, there can only be one preferred dog species of the monarchy.
Over the course of her historic 59-year reign, Queen Elizabeth has chosen corgis as her breed of choice — in fact, she’s owned thirty, which she parades about during public occasions.
A new book, however, is debunking the notion that Queen Elizabeth adores corgis above all other dogs, revealing that the monarch has had a private lifelong love for labradors (and that she’s owned up to 20 of them.)
“She keeps them very secret,” says Ben Fogle, author of Labrador: The Story of the World’s Favourite Dog. (Sounds biased.) “The corgis are the dogs that she is happy to show off, but she has a huge kennel of labradors. They are one part of her life she likes to keep private.”
This is more scandal than we can possibly bear. So, we decided to get to the bottom of this ever-important question: Which breed of dog is most fit to symbolically rule Great Britain? (Because that’s what all this is really about.) Queen Elizabeth, if you’re reading, please join us as we asses the merits of both corgis and labs, so you can align yourself with the correct breed — the breed most fit to advise you during your reign.
ROUND ONE: BODY SHAPE
Corgis got that long and low.
Labs are more, well, mainstream. Svelte and athletic, yes … but where’s the pageantry?
SCORE: Corgis: 1 Labs: 0
Corgis are … enthusiastic, let’s just say that.
Labs, on the other hand, can perform actual magic tricks.
SCORE: Corgis: 1 Labs: 1
ROUND THREE: ATHLETICISM
Corgis can definitely run …
But labs are legit athletes.
SCORE: Corgis: 1 Labs: 2
ROUND FOUR: BUTTS
Corgis have some of the roundest dog butts in all the land.
Nothing too distinctive about a lab’s butt.
SCORE: Corgis: 2 Labs: 2
ROUND FIVE: REGALITY
Corgis be like, ‘Take care of me, I’m in charge.”
Labradors … try a little too hard.
SCORE: Corgis: 3 Labs: 2
CORGIS WIN!!!!!!!! Always and forever.