July 05, 2016 05:25 PM

I say, you dogsbody, what manner of japery is this?

A pig, walking a cat?

Is it the feast day of Saint Julian the Hospitaller, the patron saint of boatmen, carnival workers, childless people, circus workers, clowns, ferrymen, fiddlers, fiddle players, hospitallers, hotel-keepers, hunters, innkeepers, jugglers, knights, murderers, pilgrims, shepherds, travelers and wandering musicians? A day for buffoonery?

I can think of no other reason that the natural order should be so subverted as to have a swine ferrying felines about en plein air, without the fear of God or man to dissuade them.

And yet here we find ourselves, in Germany, a supposed land of order, where a cat named Leonardo and a pig named Moritz perambulate about, with the blessing of their owner Nicolle Müller.

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Look at them even taking digital silver-gelatin-reflective photo prints with one another?! That’s disrespectful to the process?

Begone with these hoary beasts of padfoot and clovehoof asserting themselves in the face of Man and God. Away with ye until the next Feast Day of Saint Julian the Hospitaller, and I shall salt the Earth whereupon this unnatural coupling peregrinated so as to protect the local moppets and law-abiding citizenry.

Fie, I say!

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