April 07, 2016 04:06 PM

I warned you. I warned you all, and now it’s too late.

Teaneck, New Jersey, is apparently under siege by a gang of wild turkeys. New Jersey Fish & Wildlife is on the case and sent a representative to the town to discuss options.

Courtney Lopchinsky is one of the townspeople threatened by the birds: In January, one of them smashed through a window and landed on the kitchen table, where she was sitting with two of her three children. The bird’s talon marks are still visible, gouged into the table’s wood.

“It was so loud and so dramatic when the bird came in, glass was flying everywhere, we were covered in glass, the bird was freaking out, the turkey was throwing his wings,” she told NBC New York. “Every time he spread his wings, glass was flying everywhere.”

Fish & Wildlife officer Amy Decheser suggested that residents “humanely harass” the birds by spraying them with a hose, banging pots and pans, or allowing their (leashed) dogs to bark at them. (The birds are protected by New Jersey law and only representatives of the state are allowed to physically touch them.) Animal Control Officer Vincent Ascolese said he plans to give away 20 air horns to aid in the cause, as well.

NJF&W says that it has received 20-30 calls about turkeys this year alone. Calls have also come in from Hillsdale and East Brunswick, suggesting the birds are waging a war on multiple fronts.

Lopchinsky, suddenly an unwitting poster woman for turkey victims everywhere, is still haunted by the attack.

“I hear it sometimes at night, that loud noise of the turkey breaking through the glass,” she said.

If only readers had listened to me when they had the chance, Lopchinsky might be better able to sleep at night, her rest undisturbed by the sound of shattering glass and flapping wings. But now it’s too late.

It’s far too late.

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