Houston Woman Creates Comical, Expletive-Filled Adoption Page for Her 'Hellion' Foster Dog Hank
"We’re all tired of Hank. Not because we don’t love him, we're just TIRED. It’s like he drank ALL OF OUR COFFEE," foster mom Christine Clauder wrote on the adoption site she made for the dog
The foster mom of a 1-year-old dog named Hank is seriously ready for him to be adopted.
The Siberian black mouth cur is currently up for adoption, and his foster parent Christine Clauder recently created a hilarious webpage to help Hank find his forever home fast. The site is titled "please adopt this hellion" and features extensive information about the active pup.
"He knows basic commands such as 'sit,' 'down,' 'shake,' and 'why are you so f--- mental, stop chewing on that and get in your f--- kennel.' He'll f--- stand in between your legs [while you're cooking] and trip you up while you're holding knives," the page reads. "He's 54 pounds of pure, unadulterated, kinetic energy with eyes like the ocean."
The adoption ad notes that Hank is loyal and neutered — to keep others from being "subjected to any of his hellspawn" — but, most of all, he has energy to burn.
"We're all tired of Hank. Not because we don't love him, we're just TIRED. It's like he drank ALL OF OUR COFFEE," the adoption site adds.
For those who might take the website the wrong way, Clauder included a disclaimer at the top to let readers know the information included on the page is "highly exaggerated for comical effect."
"Also, if you're trying to adopt Hank, that's a serious deal, so please take it seriously. We're just trying to get a permanent home for this goofball. Leave the funny to us; we deserve it since we can't sleep and all. Love, Hank's very exhausted foster family," the disclaimer reads.
Clauder, who volunteers at Abandoned Animal Rescue in Houston, Texas, and runs their website, told HuffPost that creating the humorous adoption page was a "natural" thing to do, adding that the foul language she used was intentional and "geared toward exactly the kind of person Hank needs."
"The kind of people put off by it would not be a good match for him," Clauder explained to the outlet. "When evaluating his personality, I realized Hank needs a special family, and I didn't want to build a cutesy 'what a sweet little puddy pie' kind of website."
She continued, "Not only would that be a complete lie, but it would actually increase the chances that Hank would be returned, which would further harm his adoptability."
Clauder also told HuffPost that the ultimate goal is to find Hank his "lifetime match." The pup's site has already received several adoption applications which are currently being reviewed.
"No decisions have been made yet, so if someone feels a connection, they should definitely apply," Clauder said. "We know there is the perfect family out there who can give Hank the life he deserves. Despite the tone of the site, we aren't rushing this."
Those interested in adopting Hank, or at least reading his hilarious website, can visit pleaseadopthank.com.