July 22, 2015 09:30 PM


“We thought we hit a buzzard,” Elaine Gilliland said of the bald eagle that flew out of the brush in Bowring, Oklahoma, and impacted her car.

But she and her driving partner didn’t hit a lowly buzzard, symbol of decay and pestilence and known for its scraggly gross neck-skin. No, instead they hit a bald eagle, the symbol of America, known for its visual acuity and razor-sharp talons.

The pair kept driving, unaware they had ensnared a personification of America in their car’s grill, until another driver noticed and flagged them down.

“We were like, ‘What in the world?’” American hero Julie Evans said. “When they turned the corner, the eagle lifted his head up and kind of looked at us like, ‘Hey, can you help me out here?’ We were flagging them down, trying to get them to stop.”

Eventually, the animal personification of America’s greatness was removed from the car (probably of foreign manufacture) and was driven to Wild Heart Ranch, where its injuries were determined to be minor (because nothing can keep America down).

It is, however, unknown whether the eagle’s injuries will keep it from flying after it recovers. If not, it will live the rest of its life in a sanctuary or zoo, accompanied by the coterie of Secret Service agents it, as a bald eagle injured in the line of duty, is entitled to until its death. (Citation needed.)

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