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June 10, 2016 01:53 PM

U-S-A! Your bird lost, our bird one. Deal with it, Canada!

This showdown of North American avian heavyweights occurred at Vancouver Island, British Columbia, on Friday. Canadian, Lisa Bell, was on the scene to capture the beak-to-beak, talon-to-webbed-foot action on camera.

The rumble started around 7 a.m. with a fair amount of hissing from the Canadian opponent. The goose was quickly silenced when the American competitor bested the bird by sitting on it.

“There was a whole bunch of noise to begin with,” Bell told the CBC. “The eagle was sitting on the goose. I scooted to get my camera, and when I came back down he was still there. The goose basically was playing dead.”

The match ended with the goose fleeing to a nearby pond for safety, a conclusion Bell considers a “happy ending,” but we consider a wuss’s draw.

In preparation for a rematch, we have penned this (very measure) open letter to all Canadian geese.

THE EAGLE IS AWESOME AND SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE GOOSE. IT’S A BIG BIRD. LIKE, SO BIG YOU CAN’T EVEN HANDLE IT. GET A REAL JOB, YA BUMS! DON’T YOU GUYS HAVE A PARLIAMENT? HA!

NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR HEALTHCARE, STOP BRINGING IT UP.

RUSH? PLEASE. EVERYONE HATES DRUM SOLOS. NEIL YOUNG? MORE LIKE NEIL OLD-PERSON MUSIC. HA!

LISTEN TO TED NUGENT. THERE’S A REAL MUSICIAN. AND AN AMERICAN HERO.

YEAH, DRAKE’S FROM CANADA, WHO CARES. WE’LL SEND AN EAGLE AFTER HIM TOO. 

LISA BELL WILL BE THERE TO PHOTOGRAPH IT.

AMERICA: NUMBER ONE IN THE WORLD AND NUMBER ONE IN BIRDS.

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