Whitney Port Recalls 'All-Consuming' Grief of Miscarriage: 'Death Is Happening Inside Your Body'
On The Hills: New Beginnings' season finale, Whitney Port opened up about her recent miscarriage and her associated mixed feelings
Whitney Port is still grieving over her recent miscarriage.
On Monday’s two-hour season finale of The Hills: New Beginnings, the 34-year-old confides in costar Kaitlynn Carter about the sad news that she and husband Tim Rosenman had lost their second child on the way — and how she is struggling with the mixed feelings surrounding it.
“Pregnancy news is usually really exciting news, and when I found out I was pregnant I didn’t immediately feel so excited. I was really scared, actually,” says Port, who’s already a mom to 2-year-old son Sonny Sanford, in a confessional.
She tells Carter she had “really strong symptoms” just like in her first pregnancy that disappeared “all of a sudden,” leading to a “whole process” of emotional upheaval after she found out she was miscarrying.
“The grief is all-consuming. It’s all you can think about,” Port continues in her confessional. “It’s like a death is happening inside your body, and you’re also supposed to show up for your child that you have and you can’t really be sad in front of them, and you’re just confused if your feelings are okay [or] if they’re too dramatic.”
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Port told her friend it was “hard to open up” about the experience because she doesn’t want to be labeled “insensitive” for feeling a sense of “relief” in a way, considering she wasn’t sure she was ready for a second baby yet.
“Losing my father was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and then having this happen and then not having him to even talk to about it was so hard,” she says in the confessional, through tears.
Now, Port tells Carter, 31, that she is waiting for “that moment” when she will feel ready for another child, but admits, “I don’t know if that’s ever gonna happen.”
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Port and Rosenman revealed the sad news during a July episode of her podcast With Whit, and appear together in Monday’s episode of The Hills: New Beginnings, where they talk about the experience more.
“This is definitely one of the more difficult things I’ve ever gone through,” she says in a confessional. “The thought of the death of something that you haven’t met yet … it feels silly, but it’s not, because it’s you. It’s a part of the love you have with your husband and it’s just heartbreaking.”
“I feel like I’ve come to terms with this pregnancy not working out,” Port tells her husband. “And then I go to the bathroom and there’s still blood, and so every time I see that, I’m reminded of it.”
“And I still just have so much stress about the second child because I know that you really want more children, and I don’t know that I do,” she continues. “I feel like I would be disappointing you if we didn’t.”
“If it never is the right time, it won’t happen. And if it becomes the right time or our feelings change, we can keep having this conversation as we go. Seriously,” Rosenman tells her.