Whitney Port Opens Up About Suffering a Miscarriage 2 Weeks Ago — Why She Felt 'Guilt'
"The amount of various emotions I felt in the past couple weeks have been extreme," Whitney Port wrote of her miscarriage in a Tuesday Instagram post
Whitney Port has suffered a miscarriage.
The Hills: New Beginnings star, 34, revealed the sad news on Tuesday during an episode of her podcast With Whit, where she told listeners she and husband Tim Rosenman were expecting a sibling for their son Sonny Sanford, who turns 2 on Saturday.
“This is really hard for me to write,” Port captioned a preview clip from the episode on Instagram. “Two weeks ago, I had a miscarriage. The amount of various emotions I felt in the past couple weeks have been extreme … from shock to sadness to relief, which then led to guilt for feeling that relief.”
“My identity has been shaken in regards to who as a mom and human being,” she shared candidly. “I’m currently in the process of learning to accept that my feelings are valid no matter what they are. Whether or not people feel the same way as me or not. They are my personal emotions that are the result from my own journey. The video above is a glimpse into the story and coming to terms with how I feel.”
“I welcome anyone to share their stories or feelings,” Port continued. “I want my platform to be an open place where we can share difficult conversations.”
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In a more extended preview on her YouTube channel, Port explained that she stopped taking her birth control and got pregnant, and she and Rosenman told close friends and family the news during the first trimester.
She was “really nauseous and really exhausted” up until week six of her pregnancy, when she thought it meant maybe her second time around would be easier — and then, eventually, she told her husband she didn’t feel comfortable anymore.
“And then the next day, I woke up and I saw blood on my underpants,” Port added, saying she wasn’t “too alarmed” because spotting in pregnancy can be normal and she had it when she was expecting Sonny.
Sadly, the next day, the bleeding intensified, and an ultrasound confirmed that things “didn’t look good” — soon after, the couple learned there was no heartbeat and that it was “not a viable pregnancy.”
RELATED VIDEO: Whitney Port: Why Pregnancy “Was Hard for Me”
Rosenman, who interviewed his wife for the podcast episode and participated in it himself, said that he has struggled with “the level of sadness that I feel I’m allowed to have or not have.”
“I shed some tears but we moved on … then I stopped myself and I’m like, ‘Well, if a baby died, you would be heartbroken for the rest of your life. So what’s the difference between this and a baby?’ ” he said. “And I started having all these existential thoughts in my head about when life begins and when it doesn’t.”
Port also revealed she wasn’t sure she wanted a second child and left it up to “If it happens, it happens” — and she realizes she might face backlash given her sadness over the loss.
“Sometimes you don’t know what you want until something happens, and I think as humans, we’re allowed that,” the reality star said, and her husband agreed, chiming in, “There’s never gonna be a right time.”
From pregnancy woes to breastfeeding struggles and feeling bullied by other moms, Port has been open about the difficult parts of motherhood since she and Rosenman welcomed Sonny in July 2017. (The two married in 2015.)
And not only did she not know if she would ever return to the small screen, but she “never thought” it would be as a married, mother of an almost-2-year-old.
“I started on [The Hills] when I was 21. I’m 34 now. That was 13 years ago,” she told PEOPLE in June. “I didn’t think it would ever be a thing again — I didn’t think people would care. I definitely never thought I would do a reality show when I had a husband and a 2-year-old child.”
The Hills: New Beginnings (which was just renewed for a second season) airs Mondays at 10 p.m. EST on MTV.