Tori Roloff on Mom 'Guilt' and Having to Go to 'Medical Appointments Alone' Without Husband Zach
"We've had some pretty rough stuff hit our house the last two months," Tori Roloff shared on Instagram Wednesday
Tori Roloff is getting candid about some of the day-to-day difficulties of motherhood as of late.
The Little People, Big World star shared a sweet selfie with her 11-month-old daughter Lilah Ray to Instagram on Wednesday, acknowledging that while she knows she's "in a very privileged position" and "not the only one struggling," she is having trouble "accept(ing) her world right now."
"I've been struggling coming to terms with how long this mess has gone on and how I still see no light at the end of the tunnel. I've been struggling with the guilt I feel for my kids — especially Lilah," wrote Tori, 29.
While she didn't get into specifics about what was happening at the moment, last week, Tori and husband Zach Roloff opened up on their TLC series about their baby girl's health, revealing that Lilah had previously been diagnosed with influenza and respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) after a hydrocephalus scare.
"We've had some pretty rough stuff hit our house the last two months and I struggle with having to attend doctors or medical appointments alone [amid the coronavirus pandemic]," Tori said Wednesday. "Without my teammate by my side. I struggle sharing my life when sometimes it doesn't feel authentic because our world is so upside down and backwards right now."
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"Im sharing this only in hopes that someone reads it and doesn't feel alone. We're not alone. I get that," the mother of two continued. "I thank the Lord every single day that my family is here and healthy. Maybe I'm sharing also to not feel alone. Some days can feel so clouded by what's truth and whats fear. My truth is God and because God is with me I will not be afraid. But I can still vent about it on Instagram right?"
Tori broke down in tears over her baby daughter's health scare in last week's episode of Little People, Big World, admitting that raising two kids with dwarfism (Lilah and her big brother Jackson Kyle, 3) has made her "hypersensitive" to their needs.
"When you throw dwarfism in it, it's like is it hydrocephalus? There's so many other things that come into play," she said. She also explained that since Zach, 30, had hydrocephalus when he was younger, the idea of their kids having it is "always in the back of my mind."
"[Hydrocephalus] is when the water from your brain is not being properly drained. It's a big concern because any time you have pressure on your brain that can do damage," Tori added, sharing that her daughter had "been throwing up a lot and just seems to be in pain."
RELATED VIDEO: Little People, Big World: Tori Breaks Down in Tears Over Baby Lilah's Health Scare
At the end of the episode, Tori and Zach returned from the pediatrician with Lilah, after which Tori said she had advocated for Lilah to be "tested for something" and that they would be taking her back to the doctor "every day" for the time being, "to be monitored."
Lilah tested positive for influenza and RSV, which was a relief to her mom — to a point, as Zach "almost died from RSV" when he was a baby.
"Having a diagnosis, I was kind of like, 'Okay, I can relax again because it's not hydrocephalus,' thank the Lord," she said in a confessional. "But then we went in to see [the doctor] and he was like, 'Don't relax' — like, 'No, no, no. You need to make sure you're on this and watching it.' "
"So that piqued my nerves again a little bit because I was like, 'Oh my gosh, we're not out of the woods yet,' " Tori added.