The actress was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis almost one year ago

By Joelle Goldstein
August 28, 2019 06:35 PM

Most mothers dread their children growing older — but Selma Blair is welcoming the inevitable with open arms.

The actress, who is mom to 8-year-old son Arthur Saint, opened up in an emotional Instagram post on Wednesday about her little boy getting older amid her journey with multiple sclerosis and what it means for her to witness it all.

“As a mom, whether strong or not so strong, I hope I can be with this child as he needs me or wants me,” Blair, 47, candidly wrote alongside a photo of herself and her son both looking downward.

“This is the best it gets for me. I don’t begrudge him going off to school and growing up,” she continued. “I welcome the days as we are here now. The days seem in the correct order of things.”

“Right now, I save the light I have to laugh with this one. To feel the whole day and night,” Blair added. “But when I recover, when the bone marrow makes the amount this body needs when I rebalance my body and re-learn, I will be more present with all those I cherish.”

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Selma Blair and Arthur
Selma Blair/Instagram

RELATED: Selma Blair Shares Selfie with Son Arthur Amid MS Journey: ‘Darkest Before the Dawn’

In the meantime, the actress revealed how she’s been admiring her son as he demonstrates his growing courage and confidence around their home — an experience that she said she wouldn’t change for the world.

“But now I watch as Arthur does a full flip in the pool and widen my bleak eyes in shock. When did he get so brave. It was imperceptible,” she wrote. “I missed the shift and then he just went and did it even as I was starting to say ‘that may not be safe’. So I cheered his victory. His full on confidence. And it was from a great height.”

“I will get him in gymnastics and pray for his safety. I never had that bold side on the edge of pools,” Blair continued. “Blood and stitches were what I saw. So we aren’t just the same. Of course. And thanks for that.”

“I imagined I would be in Paris at this age, alone and walking with a book. Stopping in the Tuileries and watching. But here I am,” the star finished. “I still can’t grasp my good fortune.”

“Perhaps Paris and Rome and that amazing hotel on @fogoislandinn will wait for me. I love you Arthur,” she sweetly added.

Selma Blair and Arthur Saint
Michael Buckner/Variety/REX/Shutterstock

RELATED: Selma Blair Says She’s Getting ‘Seemingly Sicker’ but Dreams of Going Horseback Riding Again

Though Blair said she’s never had “a bold side on the edge of pools,” the star went against her word last week when she joined her son in the pool and fearlessly jumped into the water.

It was a big moment for Blair as she has struggled with her mobility and is now using a cane to walk due to her MS diagnosis. However, just as she planned to achieve the feat, Arthur mischievously pushed her off the edge.

“I sometimes doubt my child’s ethics. Preparing to dive. A very big deal for me. Instead, I felt a tiny hand on swimsuit and lost any coordination,” Blair captioned last Wednesday’s post, which featured her going from perfect form to a flailing belly flop.

“#Terror #PunkKid #PayBack is coming. Any ideas?” the Cruel Intentions star asked her fans.

Hours later, Blair revealed her revenge. As payback, the actress shared a photo of herself diving bottomless into the pool.

“Victory. I don’t give up. #BottomsUp 🐳 My boy is a #CrackUp @KidsArthurSaint.”

RELATED: Selma Blair Gets Candid About Insomnia Amid MS Battle: ‘Afraid and Want to Cry’

Aside from their backyard pool escapades, the mother-and-son duo has gone through a lot together this past year.

Since her diagnosis last year, Blair experiences daily ups and downs living with the chronic neurological disease, never knowing what to expect from her mind and body when she wakes up every morning.

Blair exclusively told PEOPLE she is honest with Arthur (his father is fashion designer Jason Bleick, whom Blair dated from 2010 to 2012) about her new challenges and is constantly impressed by his resilience.

“He’s had to endure a lot; he’s seen a lot,” Blair said, including watching her fall down a flight of stairs or rush to a bathroom if she’s feeling sick.

Selma Blair and Arthur
Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

But Arthur doesn’t view his mom’s weaknesses negatively, she said. “He says, ‘Mommy’s not sick. Mommy’s brave.'”

The actress added that living well for her son is the driving force that keeps her motivated in the best way.

“This is it. The only life we get,” Blair said. “My disease isn’t a tragedy, but I tell myself, ‘You’re going to live in a way that would be an example for yourself and your son.'”

Recently, Blair was surprised to learn that Arthur enjoys having her visit his school.

“He said, ‘I love when you come to school because you make the kids laugh and you answer all their questions,'” she recalled, adding that she doesn’t shy away from explaining to the kids about why she “walks and talks funny.”

“I explain what’s happening and that my voice doesn’t hurt, and we have really decent exchanges,” she said. “I had no idea Arthur was proud of that. I thought ‘I’m probably an embarrassment,’ but to know I’m not was one of my proudest moments.”

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