Scheana Shay Tearfully Reveals It's 'Really Hard' Seeing Friends Pregnant After Her Miscarriage
Vanderpump Rules star Scheana Shay first revealed the details of her heartbreaking miscarriage on June 26
After first sharing the details of her loss on June 26, the Vanderpump Rules star, 35, posted a video to her YouTube channel on Wednesday, tearfully taking viewers through the process of learning her pregnancy would not continue and sharing she had decided to get a dilation & curettage surgery.
Now in recovery, Shay, 35, says it's "really, really hard" being surrounded by loved ones who are expecting babies, after grieving not only the loss of her own child but the loss of the simultaneous pregnancy journey.
"Seeing a few of my friends pregnant right now and knowing I was going to be there with them and now I'm not," she explains of her difficult feelings. (One such friend is Shay's former costar Stassi Schroeder, who is currently expecting her first child with fiancé Beau Clark.)
"I didn't know how bad I wanted this until I had a little taste of it and now it's gone too soon," she adds.
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After phoning Schroeder, 32, to congratulate her on her own pregnancy news, Shay and boyfriend Brock Davies went to the doctor — on Davies' birthday — and got mixed results from her blood tests: While her HCG (pregnancy hormone) "went up significantly," it wasn't "doubling or tripling as it should" and her "progesterone [had] dropped significantly," Shay explained during the June 26 episode of her Scheananigans podcast.
The bleeding she'd been experiencing stopped after Shay went on progesterone supplements, and that, plus some research of her own, helped her hold "on to that little bit of hope" — until she went in for an ultrasound, when the doctor discovered "there was no heartbeat" and "nothing progressing" or "growing inside" her uterus.
The same day her YouTube video went live, Shay tweeted, "I feel like a broken record expecting the same friendship I give in return. But is it THAT hard to check in?"
In response to one fan who wrote, "Girl we are in a pandemic. Some people deal with things differently. Remember that. Everyone right now is going through something, doesn’t mean they do not care," she said on Wednesday, "I do understand that. That's why i check in w those people."
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In a statement to PEOPLE on June 9, Bravo confirmed that Schroeder and Doute, 37, would not be returning to the show, on which they have both starred since its debut in 2013. Cast members Max Boyens and Brett Caprioni — whose years-old racist tweets resurfaced last winter — will also not be coming back.
Their departures were confirmed days after Schroeder and Doute both posted lengthy statements on Instagram in response to a past incident with former castmate Faith Stowers, who recently recalled a time when the pair spotted a tabloid article about a black woman wanted for theft, and called the police to pin the crimes on her.
A rep for Schroeder and Doute told PEOPLE they want to "move forward as part of the solution," adding in part, "Stassi and Kristen acknowledged what they did was wrong, have apologized and been punished. Without casting aside their actions or the impact of those actions, they want to move forward as part of the solution in ways that are productive, meaningful and sincere."